Quantum Xander by Part Twenty-Six After Spike had re-emerged - dressed in black jeans and a thin white t-shirt, explanations had been given. No details were offered up, just the basic 'I have been jumping through realities and picked him up on the way' speech. Spike had given a brief description of his stay with the Initiative, and subsequent servitude to Riley Finn.
When the Spike of this world figured out that it had been Finn who had removed his double’s fangs, he went ballistic - cursing and swearing, throwing things and growling like a mad man.
Xander and Spike looked over at Xander and Willow and waited for an explanation. It was Willow who finally spoke up. She looked at her enraged blonde lover and then sighed sadly.
"The Initiative captured Spike and put a behaviour modification chip in his brain, I assume you know all about that? Well, when he escaped he went to the only person he thought would help him - Angel."
Xander saw the tears forming in Willows eyes and felt the urge to hold her, to protect her. He did nothing however, just sat and listened as she continued.
"Buffy and Faith - the slayers, convinced Angel that he shouldn't help him, that Spike was just a demon and therefore not deserving of any compassion. If you ask me, those two have him so pussy-whipped that he can't think for himself. Anyway, Xander and I found him one night on our way home; he was lying in the park waiting for sunrise."
Willow started to sob and the Xander of this world pulled her into his arms. By this time Spike had finished venting his anger and sat down to listen as well. After Willow calmed she continued.
"You wouldn't have recognised him, he was so pale and gaunt. He looked like a skeleton. We took him home with us, fed him and I tried to disable the chip. I couldn't. Not yet anyhow, but I'm still working on it."
Xander held up a hand to interrupt.
"Um, did you say Buffy and Faith? And they're both with Angel? What about the curse?"
Spike chuckled and then waved toward Willow.
"Red here took care of that. Poof shagged Slutty and went nuts; ole Angelus tore through town on a bloody revenge kick. Dru and me high-tailed it out of town, and the witch re-cursed him. Took out that little happiness clause this time round though. No more insane brood-boy."
Spike smiled at his lovers and then continued.
"After the slayers threw me out, I tried everything I could think of to get this damn thing outta me head. Eventually, I was just too weak from hunger to fight anymore and I gave up. Laid out to meet the sunrise and then woke up here. Been here ever since."
Xander had so many questions he wanted to ask, like why Willow and he weren't helping Buffy, how long they'd been together, what Spike's problem was with Riley. He didn't know where to start. He was handed a cup of coffee and began drinking it without even looking to see who had passed it to him. He was startled out of his thought when Spike spoke up.
"What's the situation with the soldiers in this reality? They still around here?"
Xander could practically feel the tension radiating from his friend. He instinctively reached for him and pulled him down to sit in the seat beside him. He didn't let go of his hand.
Once again, the other three people in the room shared a look before Willow answered Spike’s question.
"The Initiative is no longer functioning. It was blown up, Xander and I helped. It was the only thing we've had to do with Buffy in a long time. After what Spike told us, we had to help destroy it. What they were doing was wrong."
Xander nodded his agreement. He didn't care for vamps and demons - aside from Spike - but experimenting on them wasn't right. It was one thing to kill them, that was self-preservation and keeping the town safe; experimenting was cruel and unjustified.
"So, you enjoyed the show this morning?"
That being said by a smirking Spike, Xander whipped his head up and opened and closed his mouth several times trying to form words. The Spike beside him just laughed at Xander's embarrassment and cocked his eyebrow at his double.
"Leave off, don't embarrass the boy."
The two vampires shared a silent look that said a lot. The other Spike nodded his head, having his question answered. Xander felt his hand squeezed and looked over at Spike who was smiling gently at him.
"Shall we take a walk pet? See the sights?"
Xander grinned. He figured the blonde was just itching to get out in the sunlight. He smirked at him.
"We could do that. Or we could take the bike and go for a ride?"
Spike's eyes lit up and he shot to his feet.
"I'll get the bike, wait here."
As soon as Spike was out of the room the other vampire's eyes widened in recognition.
"Bloody hell! He has the ring!"
"Yeah, he does. And he keeps it."
"But how? Where?"
"Last place we were in, my double gave it to me. I gave it to him and you'll have to go through me to get it."
Spike looked at the boy impressed. He had no intention of taking it, all right so he had thought about it for a brief moment, but after what he'd seen and heard, he figured his double deserved a break.
"No intention to take it, was just shocked is all. Angel has the one in this world. Soddin’ slayer took it from me and gave it to that poof. Bastard doesn't even use it, too guilt-ridden to enjoy it. He can shag the hell out of two slayers but he won't go out in the sun, pillock."
"Sounds like deadboy alright. Except the shagging two slayers part. I never saw him as the group sex type, not with the soul anyway."
Spike came back into the kitchen just then; he was practically hopping from one foot to the next in anticipation. Xander laughed and got up.
"Come on bleachy, let’s go play in the sun."
The Spike of this reality watched with a look of longing on his face as his double stepped out into the sunshine. He really hated the damn slayer and his poof of a sire. Willow and Xander both wrapped their arms around him and did what they could to comfort him.
Part Twenty-Seven
About that, I should probably explain this morning. We shifted at some point late last night, or early today. I woke up - with Spike lying on top of me - we'll get to that in a minute - and we were in a new reality.
In this place, I am apparently involved with not only Spike, but Willow as well. I saw them together, together together. I had no idea how beautiful Wills is, I mean, yeah I always knew she was attractive but damn, I never saw her like that before. And Spike? Gah!
Which leads me back to this morning. When I woke up and he was on me, I was startled at first. That was mostly due to the fact that he was all grrr, and then I found myself getting aroused by his weight on top of me, the look of concentration in his yellow eyes. Then for one brief moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. He didn't. He whispered in my ear that we had shifted and that he could hear voices - our voices. I won't lie - a part of me was disappointed that he didn't kiss me.
What is wrong with me? I mean yeah, I like the guy - he's not the same Spike I thought he was, and he's different from the one back home, but only because he's been through so much. I have these strong urges to protect him and keep him safe. I don't understand it. He's a demon, an evil soulless demon. So why am I attracted to him in more than just a physical sense?
I can admit to finding Angel attractive, okay I can admit it here, but never shall those words pass my lips, and if anyone ever sees this I'll deny writing it. But with Broodboy, it's purely a physical reaction. Same as Faith, she's hot but as a person she does nothing for me. So what's different about Spike? Why do I find myself thinking about the way his skin felt under my hands when I was searching him for military hardware? Why do I watch him while he sleeps?
He's in the shower right now. We got a hotel room after we picked up our things from our doubles. They offered to let us stay with them but it would be too weird to listen to them having sex again. Or to see it. I still can't get the image of Spike and my double kissing out of my head. I get hard just thinking about it.
That's another problem. I know what Riley and those Initiative bastards did to Spike. Not all of it, but I know he was raped. He talks in his sleep, begs for them to stop. Sometimes it gets so bad that I wish I could go back to his world and kill the bastard. I feel totally out of control about it, like something primal in me wants to avenge Spike. In a way, it reminds me of the feelings I had for my pack when I was possessed by the hyena. A sense of... home?
Obviously, Spike isn't going to be interested in me that way. I'd be surprised if he were ever interested in a man again after what he's been through. Although, I can't picture Angelus as the hearts and flowers type - unless the hearts were still warm and gooey. I'm sure he suffered similar treatment at his hands as well.
That doesn't solve the problem I find myself facing. I like Spike. As in want to kiss him silly, like him. What is it with me and demons? I mean, why am I constantly drawn to supernatural beings? Why, for once can't I just find a nice normal human person to fall for? No, they have to be slayers, or vampires, or wizards, even Wesley was into magic. I guess it's time I face the facts, I will never be involved in a normal relationship. I don't think I'd know how. But that still doesn't help me with Spike.
Xander closed his journal and flopped back on the bed. He was worn out, frustrated, and confused. Not that long ago, his life made sense. He had a good job, a nice apartment and a beautiful fiancée. Then he got scared, left said fiancée at the altar and found himself dimension-hopping. Even then his life was still relatively normal - for him anyway, this sort of thing was par for the course when you lived on the hell mouth, hung out with a slayer, and left an ex vengeance demon at the altar. He'd been expecting retaliation in some form.
It was the spell that got to him. He hadn't been exactly happy as a totally straight guy, look at his track record - but now he was so damn confused that he wasn't sure that this was any better. He wished Willow had left him alone in the first place. She had no right to interfere with his life that way, and if he ever got home he was going to demand answers.
Xander heard a noise and sat up. He swallowed hard as he saw Spike emerge from the bathroom in just a towel. The towel was slung low on his hips and he was still damp, a droplet of water slowly making its way down his chest. Xander was mesmerised as he followed its path with his eyes.
"Shower's free, pet. I even left some hot water for you."
The sound of Spike's voice snapped Xander out of his daze and he shook his head to clear away the lust that had fogged his brain. He nodded once and darted for the open bathroom door. He missed the knowing look on the vampire’s face as he passed.
Once the door was closed, Xander leaned against it heavily and squeezed his eyes closed. He needed to get himself under some semblance of control. The last thing he wanted was for Spike to know what he was thinking. He was sure it would only serve to alienate him after all he'd endured with Riley and his men.
Out in the other room, Spike stood staring at the closed bathroom door. He was somewhat shocked by the look of raw naked lust he had seen on Xander’s face. A few days ago, the boy stood in the same room with him while he'd been naked and had felt nothing but embarrassment. Whatever the witch had done to the boy had to have been pretty damn strong to suppress that kind of desire.
He wasn't sure whether he should feel flattered or frightened. On the one hand, it had been a long time since anyone had looked at him like that, and it was nice to feel wanted. But on the other hand, after everything he'd been through with Finn and his soldiers, he wasn't sure he wanted to be touched by a human man ever again. Even Xander.
As Spike finished drying himself and slipping into some sweat pants, he thought about everything that had happened since he'd left Sunnydale. Since Xander had taken him away. He had been rid of the Initiative’s damned devices - even though he had no idea what they were, he was glad they were gone. He had been taken as far away from Riley Finn as was possible; he remembered the sound of Xander's outraged scream as he was hit by the tazer. And Xander had accepted him as a friend and travel companion. Then of course there was the ring.
Spike looked down at his hand and grinned. The memories of the day washed over him. Driving through town on the bike, the reassuring weight of Xander pressing against his back, the chuckle in his ear as they stopped at the beach and the vampire gasped at the sight of the sun reflected on the water. Maybe he wasn't as opposed to being touched by Xander as he thought.
Spike came back to himself with a startled yelp as he felt a warm hand land on his shoulder. He spun around in full game face and snarled at Xander. The human stepped back and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Hey, easy there. Didn't mean to startle you."
It took Spike a minute to suppress the reaction of being sneaked up on, but once he did, he shook off his demon visage and reached a hand out to the man in front of him.
"Sorry, luv. You startled me."
"I didn't mean to, I called your name and then when you didn't answer me..."
"No worries, sorry if I scared you."
Xander shrugged his shoulders and grinned at him.
"Nah, I'm actually used to you, or rather the you where I'm from, wearing that face and snarling at me. Only I usually deserve it for some smart-assed comment I've made."
Spike was slightly disturbed that he had allowed the other man to get that close without noticing it. It either meant that he felt safe enough in his presence for his demon to not react to him, or he was damaged in some way and his instincts were faulty. He hoped it was the first and not the second.
Xander pulled the covers back on the bed and stretched out before closing his eyes. He was tired, but mostly he was trying to keep himself from thinking about Spike, so that meant not looking at him either.
Spike climbed into bed beside him and switched off the lamp. They both lay in bed, side by side, not touching and trying not to think about what could be between them.
Part Twenty-Eight
Spike and I have been here in this world for four days now. We haven't been back to see Willow, Xander and Spike since the morning we woke up in their home. It's just too weird. Not the Spike part or even the Willow part - although that is somewhat wiggins-worthy, it's the whole threesome thing. Soooo not me. At least I don't think it is.
Maybe it's a spell? God, am I ever going to be able to trust Willow again? Right, off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, the whole Xander-is-a-poof thing. How the hell did I not notice this before? Wills must have put one hell of a whammy on me 'cause ever since the spell was taken off I'm noticing guys in a whole different light.
Spike and I were watching TV last night - wrestling, to be precise, and I kept noticing how attractive some of the men were. Not the usual "oh he's got a good build, wish I looked like that" but the "wow, nice ass on the Rock" sort of noticing. It seriously weirded me out for a minute. Then I realised it was okay to notice those things, that it was part of who I am, or who I would be if Wills hadn't interfered in my life. I think Spike noticed, he looked over at me and gave me this ... I don't know, reassuring look? It was way weirder than admiring the Rock’s ass. Of course I'd much rather admire Spike’s ass than the Rock’s. And that, my dear diary, (God, how girlie) is the problem.
We're still in the same hotel room, still sharing a bed. Every morning I wake up with him in my arms, his head resting on my chest, one of his legs thrown over my thighs. I want to kiss him; actually I want to do a hell of a lot more than just kiss him, but a kiss would be a nice start. I think he knows that I like him, he acts ... off with me now. Like he's trying to make up his mind about something. Probably trying to decide if he wants to stay here rather than risk staying with a recently gay man who has the hots for him. Maybe I should have left the spell on?
At least he has the freedom to go out now. Giving him the ring was a good idea, I think he feels safer now, and his face whenever he looks at it ... beautiful. I don't know how to describe it.
Oh, yeah. His fangs are back. This morning when he shifted faces to feed, I saw them. I never thought I would feel relieved to see a vampire’s fangs but I was. I think he might be starting to heal in more ways than just the physical. He's starting to act more Spike-ish, which is good, but I still see the real him as well. The one that held me when I cried, the one that reaches out for me in his sleep. I like that Spike too.
Speaking of, he's waking up now so I should put this away before he starts teasing me about being all girlie and writing in my diary. Besides, I don't want him to see anything that I've written. Wouldn't do to let him know I'm falling in love with him.
Xander closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. He hated this, this not knowing where and when they would be leaving, what they would find when they got there, and he especially hated the thought that Spike might want to stop coming with him. Xander began to feel dizzy and knew that they were about to leave. Hopefully they would end up someplace nice.
Spike groaned beside him and sat up holding his head. He looked around the room before his eyes landed on Xander. He shook him lightly and waited for him to open his eyes.
"Feel brave enough to venture into town? See where the fates have dropped us this time?"
Xander groaned and got up. He had to stifle a laugh when he saw the tidy little pile of cash that had followed them into this world. It was getting to be somewhere around three hundred dollars by his guess. Once again, travelling with a demon will warp your ethics.
"Yeah, why not. You think we should take the bike in or walk?"
"Bike. We don't know if this place is friendly, Xan. I don't want to risk it."
"Yeah you're right. Um, shower first?"
Spike leered at Xander
"That an offer, pet?"
Xander gulped as images of a wet, soapy, naked Spike flashed through his head. Thanks to Wesley's spell he had a very good idea of what Spike looked like naked, as well. He shot off the bed and glared at the vampire when he chuckled at him.
"Relax, Xander. I was joking. Go shower and then we'll head into town."
Xander practically ran for the bathroom and closed the door quickly behind him. It wasn't that he was embarrassed by what Spike had jokingly suggested, it was that if he thought for one minute that the vampire was serious, he would have gladly taken him up on it.
Out in the other room, Spike groaned at his own stupidity and sat on the end of the bed. He couldn't believe he had said that. He knew that Xander was still coming to terms with his sexuality, he also knew that he fancied him. So it was not only stupid, but also mean to tease the boy like that.
It wasn't that Spike had no interest in Xander, he liked him just fine. If it weren't for what he'd been through with Finn and the rest of those wankers, he would gladly shag the boy into the middle of next week.
Hell for that matter he'd shag Xander right here and now. It was when he thought about the situation being reversed that he froze up. He wasn't anywhere near ready to reciprocate. Didn't know if he ever would be.
He had to admit that it was nice waking up with a warm body next him, strong arms holding him. A steady reassuring heartbeat beneath his ear. He would miss that when they landed someplace where they wouldn't have to share a bed.
Spike's head snapped up as he suddenly smelled a new scent permeating the air. He groaned again as he realised what it was - Xander was tossing off in the shower. It figured, he had pretty much asked for it when he said that to him. Spike was instantly hard in the confines of his jeans, and contemplated for a split second about going in there and joining Xander in the shower. Then he came back to reality and opened his jeans.
With sure steady strokes, Spike brought himself to climax while straining to hear the noises coming from the other room. On top of the sounds of water and flesh moving over flesh, he clearly heard the muffled sound of his name as the air was flooded with the scent of Xander’s release. It was that sound, that enticing moan of his name, that ripped the vampire’s orgasm from him almost painfully.
Xander spent long minutes just standing under the scalding water, trying to wash away the memory of what he'd just done. Using the knowledge he had of Spike’s body - from what he had seen to what he remembered from holding him at night - to fuel his fantasies. To bring himself pleasure. It wasn't right.
The water burned, it scalded his skin and should have hurt. It didn't. The pain was secondary to the pleasure still surging through him even this long after the evidence of his climax had been washed down the drain. He could still see Spike - on his knees before him, his hair wet from the shower and clinging to his forehead. He could still feel those silky locks tangled around his fingers as he guided the cool mouth up and down his shaft.
He still felt phantom hands ghosting along his hips and ass, pulling him farther into a cool wet vacuum of indescribable ecstasy. His back arching as his balls rose and tightened. He could still hear the echo of his own voice calling out for Spike in the midst of his orgasm.
The thought instantly brought him out of his haze. Had Spike heard? Or did the sounds of the shower drown out his cries of release? How was he going to show his face after this?
Xander shut off the water and stepped out of the tub. He instinctively began to dry himself while his mind worked over the problem at hand. Did Spike hear him or not? And if he did, what was he going to do about it? Admitting to himself that he was attracted to the blonde - possibly falling in love with him - was one thing; letting Spike know was on a whole other level. For one thing, other than a few teasing phrases here and there, Spike had shown no interest in him that way. For another, there was still the whole slavery issue that he had been through.
And didn't that make him feel great. What if Spike had heard him, and now thought that he wanted to use him in the same way that Riley had. Even with the ring, Spike was helpless to defend himself if Xander tried to hurt him. Or at least he was pretty sure he was. They hadn't exactly tested the magical properties of the ring against the technological properties of the chip.
Finally, Xander could hide away in the bathroom no longer. He took a deep steadying breath and opened the door. He kept his eyes low as he walked into the room, avoiding Spike at all costs. He didn't want to see disgust in his eyes - or worse, fear. He grabbed some clean clothes from his bag and turned to head back into the bathroom to change.
"Xander."
One word. But spoken with such emotion that he couldn't help but turn around and look. What he saw when he looked at Spike was understanding, possibly more.
"Spike?"
"Xander, I heard you. I know."
Xander hung his head. Embarrassment and shame warring for top position. He wanted to disappear, to turn into Marcy the Invisible Girl. Anything to not have this conversation. The 'I like you, but not that way' conversation. He didn't hear the vampire approach him and was therefore startled when a cool finger lifted his chin. Spike pressed his lips to Xander’s softly and then pulled away.
"I like you too. I'm just not ready. Not for that, not yet."
Xander nodded and smiled. At least it wasn't a rejection.
Part Twenty-Nine
Wanting to get a fix on the scoobies of this world, the first thing they did was go by the Magic Box. Of course it wasn't the Magic Box in this world. In fact, it was a pet store. Somehow, Xander just couldn't picture Giles as the owner of a pet store, so they didn't bother going in.
A wary Xander knocked on the door to Buffy's house and was greeted by a large Spanish woman. After a stilted conversation - where Xander's limited understanding of the Spanish language was tested beyond endurance - he returned to Spike with little information other than the fact that Buffy didn't live there, and the large Spanish woman did, and had for several years now.
A phone booth provided answers. There were no R. Giles' listed, nor were there any B. Summers' or J. Summers'. There was, however, a listing for Willow's parents. Deciding to take a chance that they might actually be home, Xander gave Spike directions to their house and they set off.
After knocking on the door several times and receiving no answer, Xander gave up. Spike was actually relieved to not have to deal with any of Xander’s 'friends' but he wasn't about to tell the boy that. As far as he was concerned, this world was looking up. No slayer, no wolf, no witch, no watcher. If he knew for sure that there was no Initiative here, he could actually relax for as long as they were stuck here.
"Come on luv. We’ll drive down to that donut shop we passed earlier. You'll feel better after you get some sugar into you."
Xander nodded and climbed back onto the bike behind Spike and rested his cheek against the warm leather covering the vampire’s back. He was feeling lost and depressed and he really just wanted to go back to the hotel and crawl into bed. Of course, seeing as how they had to re-rent a room, that could be a problem.
"Okay, but can we go back to the hotel after that? I'm kinda worn out from all the running around today."
"Sure pet. Whatever you want."
The bike roared to life and they spun off down the street.
After scarfing down donuts and overly sweetened coffee, Xander was in a much better mood. Spike hadn't eaten yet that day so they headed off toward Willy’s and stopped by the closest sewer entrance. Spike left Xander with the bike while he went to purchase some blood.
The bar was pretty much the same as it was back home as far as Spike could see. Willy was wiping a glass with a less than pristine towel, vampires and other various demons were scattered throughout the room drinking all manner of mostly disgusting beverages, and the only humans in attendance were pets, whores or thralls.
Willy swallowed audibly when Spike approached the bar and the vampire could smell the fear pouring off of him. It was obvious that his double in this world still frightened the little man, so he used that to his advantage.
"Blood, the good stuff, now."
"Y-yes Master Spike. Of course, right away."
Spike smirked as the snivelling little human ran to do his bidding. Within less than a minute, Spike had a large glass of very fresh, still warm blood in his hand. He savoured the scent before drinking and then licking his lips.
"Another."
Once again he found himself enjoying the taste of fresh human blood. He wondered for a minute where it had come from, but then decided he really didn't care. He reached for his wallet to pay the little man and then stopped. If his double was as evil as he used to be, he wouldn't pay for blood.
"Ta mate. Be seeing ya."
Spike turned and left the bar the same way he'd gone in - through the sewers. As soon as he had left, two of the other vamps got up to tail him. They didn't learn much, as Spike had heard them following him and dusted them both.
Willy knew that his life was about to take a turn for the worse. When the Master of Sunnydale learned that Spike was back in town, all hell was going to break loose.
Spike found Xander waiting for him with the bike. He took a few minutes to look at him - really look him, before he knew he was being watched. Xander was leaning against a tree across the street, his eyes were closed and the sunlight was shining down on him. He looked radiant. Spike - full of fresh human blood - felt himself harden in his jeans. He licked his lips in anticipation and stealthily strode toward Xander.
Xander 'eeped' in surprise when he opened his eyes to find blue eyes staring into his own. Before he managed to collect himself to even speak, he found his lips taken in a passionate kiss. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the vampire and kissed him back.
Cool and moist, Xander plundered Spike’s mouth with abandon. He could taste faint traces of blood in his mouth but it didn't stop him from enjoying the kiss. Eventually, he needed to breathe and broke away from Spike’s mouth, gasping for air. Spike continued his assault on Xander’s neck instead. Licking and sucking at his pulse point, nibbling his way up to Xander’s ear and sucking the lobe into his mouth.
Xander shuddered and drew a shaky breath before speaking.
"Not that I'm not enjoying, 'cause I am, very much. But why the sudden change of heart? This morning you weren't ready and now suddenly you are?"
"Want you."
That was the only reply Xander got. And the voice, so low and sexy, sent tingles racing down his spine and his cock twitched in anticipation. He was about ten seconds away from offering himself up right there in the middle of town when a car drove past and someone yelled out 'get a room'.
"Mmm, good idea that. You did say you wanted to go back to the hotel, didn't you?"
The rich baritone voice whispering in his ear promised pleasure, an end to the exquisite torture that he was feeling, and satisfaction. Xander couldn't speak, barely managed to nod his head and followed blindly as Spike led him by the hand back to the bike parked a few feet away.
Back at the hotel, Xander waited while Spike checked them in and got a room. He was beginning to be able to think again, now that he wasn't in physical contact with the blonde. He was torn between saying the hell with it and jumping the vamp as soon as they got inside the room or putting a stop to it until he knew what had changed Spike's mind.
One look from those smouldering eyes had him plastered up against the wall, being kissed breathless. He decided thinking was vastly overrated and lost himself in the pleasure of the moment.
He did notice however that Spike was taking a decidedly aggressive approach to this and figured that this was what the vamp needed, at least this time. It was fine by Xander, as he had no idea what to do when it came to making love with another man.
As he was led toward the bed, Spike stopped just long enough to rid them both of their shirts and shoes; then he was attacking Xander’s mouth again. Xander felt his legs bump into the bed just before he fell back, Spike coming down on top of him. He gasped as their groins connected, hard flesh pressed against hard flesh.
"Fuck, Spike!"
"Plan to pet. Gonna make you scream for me."
Somehow, Spike managed to get them both naked before Xander even noticed he had moved. At the first press of Spike’s cock against his own, Xander thought he might cum right there and then. It was only due to his relationship with Anya and learning how to prolong orgasm that he didn't.
Spike's hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, pinching and probing. Xander could do nothing but gasp and moan, beg and plead. And when Xander felt the first slick finger breach his opening he merely pushed down to get it in further and begged for more.
By the time Xander was stretched and ready, Spike was in game face and straining to keep himself from just pushing inside Xander and hurting them both. He took several deep, unneeded-but-calming breaths and then slowly, slowly pushed until the head of his cock was past the tight ring of muscle.
Xander gasped and his eyes rolled back in his head. He hadn't expected it to feel like this. Spike’s cock was so much larger than the fingers that had just left his body; he expected it to hurt. It didn't; it burned but in a nice way. A very nice way, and he wanted more.
"Please, God Spike please."
Spike opened his eyes and looked into deep brown eyes that begged without voice for him to do something to fill the ache. He swooped down and kissed Xander again as he began to ease his way inside. Once he was fully encased, he rolled his brow across Xander’s and panted as he waited for a signal that it was okay to move.
Xander opened his eyes and smiled at the game-faced Spike above him. He knew without a doubt that he would never be able to forgive Willow for denying him this. The fact that he could have had years with Spike - the Spike back home - the way 'Xan' did, and avoided all the mess that was he and Anya, pretty much guaranteed it. But he was happy enough with where he was right now to know that he would at least try.
Spike felt Xander wiggle and took that as a sign to move. He angled himself so that Xander’s prostate was stimulated with each thrust and began to withdraw from his body before plunging back in.
Neither man lasted long, both too worked up and desperate. Xander screamed as he came and Spike followed right after him, roaring as his climax tore through him. Spike collapsed on top of Xander and felt warm arms embrace him as his softened cock slipped out of Xander’s body. A tender kiss was placed on his temple and then he was rolled onto his back. Xander snuggled into him and promptly fell asleep.
Part Thirty
This isn't coming out the way it should. It sounds ... dirty, and it wasn't. It was good, more than good. It was unbelievable and wonderful and I hope he doesn't regret it and hate me. God, I'm pathetic. Here I am, after one of the most profound experiences of my life, wondering if the evil vampire is going to regret having sex with me.
But Spike isn't completely evil, is he? At least not this version. He was so sweet earlier today, he kissed me and told me he liked me, but he wasn't ready for that yet. 'That' being sex. Explanations are probably in order. See, after joking with me about sharing a shower, I was so worked up I took matters into my own hands. Spike heard and confronted me when I came out of the bathroom. That's when he kissed me and told me he wasn't ready.
So what changed his mind? I mean, we checked out the town, didn't find any of the gang, had something to eat, and then went to Willy’s so he could get blood. I waited across the street for him and when he came out he just... attacked me. Not in a bad way, in a kissed-me-stupid-and-made-my-brains-leak-out-of-my-ears way. Then we came back here to the hotel.
I thought about stopping him, at least until I knew what had brought about the sudden change of heart, but then he was kissing me again and I lost the ability to think. So now I'm sitting here on the floor, back against the wall, watching him as he sleeps, and writing. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Why he changed his mind about us.
What do I do when he wakes up? I haven't got a clue how to deal with 'the morning after' with a guy, or a vampire. Especially a guy vampire. Do I kiss him and treat him like my lover? Do I act as though it didn't happen and continue on as friends? I'm completely lost. I do know one thing though. I have to let Spike set the pace and the boundaries of this - whatever it is we have. I can't push or rush him. Not after everything he's been through.
Yeah, that's it. I'll let him decide what happens now. Give him control, he probably needs that - to have control of something in his un-life again, even if it is just the pace of our relationship.
Oh God! I said relationship. I'm in a relationship with a vampire, a manpire. Spike - William the Bloody. I had sex with one quarter of the Scourge of Europe. Will this make Drusilla and Deadboy my in-laws?
Xander closed the book and watched his sleeping lover. His lover; Spike was his lover. He almost started to panic again at the thought of what would happen when the vampire woke up. He almost wished that time would stand still, that he could just stay in this moment forever. But wishes were bad things, and extremely dangerous to make in Sunnydale, no matter what dimension you are in. Xander knew that from experience.
Deciding that it wouldn't make any difference whether he was in bed or not when Spike woke up, Xander put his journal away and crawled back into bed beside his lover. He smiled when Spike instinctively reached for him and pulled him close. He was just drifting off to sleep when Spike sat up in bed and looked around frantically before jumping to his feet in full game face.
Xander was certain that the image of a snarling, wild-eyed, game-faced, Spike - even though he was naked - was not supposed to get him hard. Too bad his body wasn't listening to his brain, because he was, hard that is.
Spike scented the air and turned yellow eyes on the human in the bed. The beast within was shouting to maim and destroy the threat to him, but the rational part of his mind knew that even though he was human, he was not a threat, he was friend, protector, and...lover.
"Xander?"
Spike tried to check his demon and calm himself. The fact that the boy showed no fear, even in the presence of his demon went a long way toward his serenity.
"Yeah, Spike. It's me. You alright?"
"M'fine luv. Just woke up a bit disoriented s'all."
Xander held out his hand and smiled softly.
"Come and lay down for a bit?"
Spike nodded and took the outstretched hand in his own. His earlier blood-fuelled lust had subsided and left him with a sense of wariness and unease. He knew what had happened; he knew it while it was happening. Just now, with the effects of the blood worn off, he wasn't sure what to do next. He'd had a total of three lovers in his time - Dru, Angelus, and Darla - and wasn't sure what the proper etiquette was in this situation.
Did he tell Xander the truth - that he wasn't ready to bottom for the boy, that he didn't know if or when he ever would be - or did he just leave it all up to fate and play it by ear? He supposed he could put it off for awhile, at least. Xander might not want to take the lead in any sexual situations for a while.
His contemplation was brought up short when two vampires burst into the room. He immediately put himself between the vampires and Xander, so that the vamps couldn't see the boy behind him.
"Master Spike."
The taller of the two addressed him.
"My master has requested your presence. You will come with us now."
Spike snorted and gave the two minions a two-fingered salute.
"Yeah well, I don't follow anybody's soddin’ orders. Get out."
The shorter of the two walked closer to the bed and saw Xander sitting behind Spike, looking ready to fight if necessary. He stumbled back, grabbed his partner and backed toward the door.
"Master, I'm so sorry we didn't know... She sent us to bring him... forgive me."
And then he turned tail and pulling his partner behind him ran out the door. Spike looked behind him at an equally puzzled Xander and shook his head.
"Well, pet. What the bloody hell do you suppose that's all about?"
Part Thirty-One
"Uh, Spike?"
"Yeah, pet?"
"What the hell was that?"
The vampire chuckled and then turned around to face the still startled human on the bed behind him. He pulled Xander into his arms and kissed him on the temple.
"Minions. Those two were so fresh I could still smell the shit of their deaths on them. Bloody clueless lot, most of them."
"But ... What did they mean with all that Master stuff?"
"Who knows, luv. Chances are we'll find out if we stick around here long enough, I got the impression that I'm being summoned."
Xander groaned and closed his eyes. This was not what he had in mind to do tonight. Go for a drive, get something to eat, perhaps watch Spike scare a few teenagers into giving them their cash - but not being summoned by the 'Master of Sunnydale', whoever that was.
"God, don't let it be Angelus. Anyone but Angelus."
Spike snorted.
"What, you think the Master is any more sane? Please, old bat-face was loopier then Dru most days."
"Oh, right. I actually hadn't thought about him. I figured, you know since Sunnydale wasn't completely overrun by demons that he was dust."
"Hmm, probably. Doesn't answer the question of who's in charge here though, does it?"
Xander shook his head and then wondered if they should put off the summons until after the awkward conversation or if they could put off the awkward conversation by accepting the summons. He wasn't too sure which was the lesser of two evils at this point. Spike answered that unspoken question for him by slipping out of bed and reaching for his jeans.
"You want to come with me or wait here? Could be dangerous, but better to know what we're up against, yeah?"
"Yeah. I'll come with, just don't let anyone eat me, eh?"
Another snort from the vampire.
"Not likely, no one'd be stupid enough to try for your neck. You smell like me, they'll know better."
Spike shrugged into his shirt and reached for his boots as Xander tried to puzzle out what exactly that meant. He was no closer to figuring it out when Spike's voice broke the silence.
"And if they don't... I'll tear their soddin’ heads off before they get close enough to touch you."
And just why did that give him warm fuzzies? Xander couldn't figure it out, but possessive Spike made him feel good. He'd ponder that later; right now he needed to get dressed.
After dressing and leaving the hotel, they drove into town. Neither had any idea of where the Master of the hellmouth would be, so they merely drove around letting their presence be known. It wasn't long before someone noticed.
Xander wondered if all the minions in this Sunnydale were as stupid as the two that had burst into their room earlier. By the looks of the three that were slowly making their way towards them, he would guess yes. They were looking at him like he was scarier than Spike, which was just wrong. Spike seemed to think so too.
"Oi! Quit looking at him. What do you want?"
The first of the three vampires stepped forward and bowed his head. Spike smirked at the obvious show of submission. It did wonderful things for his ego, being feared again. He was beginning to feel like his old self again. Amazing after what he'd been through, but Spike had always been resilient. Something to thank Angelus for, if he hadn't been such a sadistic bastard, Spike wouldn't be as strong-willed as he was.
"Master Spike, my apologies for looking at your consort. I bring word from my Master. He wishes to speak with you. If you would follow us, your consort is welcome to attend."
Xander looked at Spike questioningly, he wasn't sure what a consort was, or if it applied to him. Spike just gave him a look that clearly said 'shut up' and turned back to the minion who had addressed him.
"Do I have your Master’s word that no one will touch him?"
If he didn't have that guarantee, he was sending Xander back to the hotel with the bike. It was one thing for him to face off with this Master, it was another to endanger Xander.
"Of course. He will come to no harm, I assure you."
"He better not, or you die slowly, and painfully."
The vampire nodded and turned back to the others that were with him. They headed off in the direction of Crawford Street, and Spike and Xander followed behind them. Once the vamps were far enough in front that Spike was certain they couldn't hear, he spoke softly to Xander.
"Whatever happens, play along. They think you are my consort, so you have to play the part."
"Okay, but what the hell is a consort? I can't act like one if I don't know what it is."
Spike swore softly and shook his head. He didn't have time to explain vampire lore right now. He had assumed Xander would know about these things.
"In short, it means you’re mine. Not like a pet though, like a lover, a confidant. But you don't question me, not in front of others at least. Whatever I say, just go along with it, we can talk about it later okay?"
"Fine. But we are going to talk about this."
"Of course pet, I expect we have a lot to talk about, eh?"
Xander just snorted. Yeah, they had a lot to talk about. Like why Spike had suddenly changed his mind about sex, what that would mean for their relationship, did they have a relationship? Oh yeah, he was really looking forward to that conversation. Not.
When they stopped in front of the mansion, Xander groaned and thumped his head lightly against Spike's back. He so didn't want to be here. It looked more and more likely that Angelus was the Master of this Sunnydale, something Xander really didn't want to contemplate.
They were led inside and left to wait in the large room off the front foyer. There was a comfortable looking leather sofa and two high back chairs in the room, a fire was lit and soft, tinkling music could be heard. In the farthest corner of the room was a small table and chairs set up, on the table was a full tea service.
Xander sat down on the sofa and watched Spike as he cased the room; not a single detail escaped the vampire’s gaze. Eventually Spike returned to Xander and took a seat on the sofa beside him.
"It's not looking promising pet. I'm pretty sure whoever else is here, Dru is with them."
Xander's eyes bugged out and he turned on Spike, he wasn't too hot on the prospect of seeing Angelus again, but Drusilla was completely insane, and she scared the hell out of him. The vampiress was capable of hypnosis and all sorts of other mind games. Xander still remembered vividly what she had done to Giles, not something he wanted to experience for himself.
"Oh, no. No way. I am not staying in the same room as that crazy..."
"Easy luv. That crazy... was my lover for over a century."
Xander nodded his head and wisely kept from making any more disparaging remarks about Dru. Spike and he might be friends, even lovers now, but he knew full well what the crazy brunette had meant to Spike. He still had a faint scar on his forehead to prove it.
"Sorry Spike, but she scares me. You know she wanted to turn me once? Said I had a face like a poem."
A noise from the doorway interrupted what Spike was about to say. They both turned and stared in shock at the two vampires that entered the room.
"Mmm, yes I did say that. You made me love you, and I made you mine."
As Dru twirled and danced around the room, Xander watched with wide eyes as a younger version of himself sat down in a chair opposite him and studied him with open fascination.
"So, this is how I would look if I had lived, huh?"
Part Thirty-Two
Spike snorted at Xander's remark. Disturbing didn't begin to describe what they had just been through. Spike had sat for the past forty-five minutes going back and forth with himself. The sight of Drusilla still filled him with longing and pain; then there was Xander, both the living and undead versions of the boy.
Something about the vampire version of his friend called to him, it gave his demon ideas of turning the boy and making him his forever. Of course he couldn't do that - chip. What disturbed him was that he wanted it. For all his good intentions, wanting to keep the boy safe and alive, a part of him was willing to trade his heat and his soul for a chance at eternity.
So what did that mean, that he wanted Xander for eternity? In all his years, Spike had never made a childe, never taken a mate either. Dru had come closest as a mate but she was his sire, and it was her decision to mate with him or not, she chose not. With Dru it had always been about 'Daddy' so Spike knew he would never have more than he already had. In Xander, he saw both childe and mate. It was both comforting and scary as hell at the same time.
The ride back to the hotel was conducted in silence, Xander could tell that Spike was doing some serious thinking. He didn't blame him, hell he had a few things on his mind as well. Like what the hell happened back there.
Dru had danced around the room babbling about how Spike was 'wrong' and 'artificial'. 'Not my golden boy. Impostor!' she had shouted at him. The other Xander seemed to ignore her ramblings and sent her to make tea for her dollies. Spike had rolled his eyes at that, but Xander had seen the pain in those blue eyes as Dru kissed Vamp-Xander and spun out of the room.
There were a lot of questions - mostly about him, a short conversation in which Xander learned that Dru had sired him during the botched love-spell fiasco, and that the scoobies were all dead. By his hand, no less. Angelus had been killed, a joint effort by Spike and Xander to rid themselves of their biggest competition, and that Dru had chosen Xander over Spike. Spike had left town shortly after that and hadn't returned. Until now.
Vamp-Xander had seen Spike’s return as a threat to his relationship with Drusilla, and had Dru send the minions to summon Spike to appear before them. Learning that Spike had made a consort out of a human version of himself intrigued the vampire; he wanted to know how it had been accomplished. A brief explanation on how neither of them were from this reality got Vamp-Xander past his suspicions of Spike's surprising reappearance.
So now, here they were, driving back to the hotel with the blessing of the current Master to enjoy their stay in Sunnydale and to come back and visit again if they wanted.
"It'll be a cold day in hell before that happens, thanks," Xander muttered under his breath. He had no intentions whatsoever of going back to the Crawford Street mansion. Dru still gave him the willies and seeing himself as a vampire was extremely unsettling.
Spike stopped the bike and waited for Xander to climb off before dismounting it as well. He reached out and pulled the human into his arms and breathed deeply. The scent of himself on Xander did a lot to calm his raging demon. He still had a nagging sensation at the back of his mind telling him to turn the man, to make him immortal, but with Xander this close, in his arms, he could push it down and ignore it.
"Hey, Spike? Shouldn't we go inside?"
"Yeah pet. We should."
Spike kept one arm around Xander as they headed back to their room. He wasn't sure what was going to happen once they were inside. He knew that Xander had questions, he just hoped he could answer them.
Once inside, Spike flopped down on the bed and picked up the TV remote. Xander grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower, he had been hoping to talk to Spike about what was going on between them, but from the looks of things, Spike didn't want to talk just yet.
Spike sighed in relief when the bathroom door closed and Xander started the shower. He got up and began pacing the room, trying to figure out what exactly he was going to tell Xander when he asked about what was going on between them. The truth was, Spike didn't know.
The only thing he knew for sure was that he trusted Xander not to hurt him. On a primal level, his demon had already accepted him as mate, and he hadn't even claimed him yet.
"Not like I can. Bloody stupid chip in me head. Can't hunt, can't defend myself, can't protect what's mine. Bloody useless I am, boy's better off without me."
Spike stopped dead in his tracks at that thought. The very idea that Xander might think the same thing shook him to his very core. He suddenly needed to be close to him, to feel his arms around him. He stripped down and flew into the bathroom.
Xander yelped when he was suddenly pulled against a cool, naked body. He recognised the hands that were stroking his belly and relaxed. He leaned his head back on Spike’s shoulder and closed his eyes. This was unexpected but nice.
"Miss me, blondie?"
"Mmm hmm."
Spike began nibbling on Xander’s neck and then groaned in arousal as the mortal rolled his head to the side to give him better access. It was a huge show of trust and acceptance on Xander’s part, exposing his throat to a vampire, even a chipped one.
"That's nice. Feels good."
Xander slowly turned in Spike’s arms and kissed him. He had completely lost focus on why he had gotten in the shower in the first place. Spike drew away slightly and picked up the tiny bottle of hotel shampoo.
"We need to buy some decent shampoo pet, and some unscented soap. This stuff smells like flowers for Christ’s sake."
"We'll do that tomorrow, right after breakfast. Kiss me again?"
Spike smiled and kissed Xander again, the shampoo momentarily forgotten. When Xander pulled away to breathe, Spike spun him back around and began washing his hair.
Once he had finished lathering and rinsing Xander's hair, he picked up the small bar of hotel soap and a washcloth. He lathered up the cloth and began washing the smooth tanned skin of the man in front of him.
Spike took the opportunity to map out every inch of Xander's body as he washed him, he could feel the faint lines of old scars here and there, likely due to helping the slayer of his world. Spike grimaced at the thought. He knew that Xander thought his friends were different from the versions that Spike had known, but the vampire wasn't so sure. The witch was supposed to be his best friend and she had put a spell on him that essentially changed who he was, just to suit her own selfishness.
Xander rinsed off and then repeated the process on Spike. Sliding soapy hands all over his skin, across strong shoulders, down his well-toned arms. He washed his back, his chest, his unbelievably sculpted abs. Xander knelt down to run his soapy hands down the vampire’s legs and then back up again, still on his knees, he caressed the pale fleshy globes of his ass before turning him around.
Spike looked down at the smirking face of the man on his knees before him. He knew why Xander was smirking at him; it had everything to do with the very prominent erection that was jutting out at him. He shrugged his shoulders at him and leered.
"As long as you're down there... "
Xander choked back a laugh and took up his rapidly shrinking bar of soap. He lathered up his hands and then ran them up the insides of Spike's thighs till his fingers twined into the coarse hair of the vampire’s groin. He smiled at the small groan Spike let out when he wrapped one soapy hand around his cock and began massaging his balls with the other.
Xander laughed out loud as Spike rinsed himself hurriedly, picked him up and strode out of the bathroom with him before dumping him on the bed, still wet and giggling. Spike smiled at him and then pounced.
Part Thirty-Three I mean, what about Angel? Did Riley and his guys get him? Would Buffy allow that? Could she really stop them even if she tried? Shit. I wish... No, I don't wish. No wishing here. I would like to know, if there was some way possible to find out if he's okay. Then again, if he isn't, do I want to know that? Seeing as how there is nothing I can do to help him?
And speaking of Buffy, I wish (damn there's that word again!) I knew for sure if she was aware of what exactly was happening to Spike, what that rat-bastard Finn had done to him. I feel kinda sorry for her, like she didn't have a clue what was really going on around her.
Then there's Willow, the one from the last world that was hooked up with both me and Spike. She helped Spike, healed him, and we just blew out of there and never looked back. To quote Cordy "rude much?", and Spike, shit the guy had been through hell as well and we never tried to do a damn thing to help him, maybe get him the ring from Angel or something. But we didn't.
Now, now we're in some fucked up place where I'm a vampire, Dru is my sire, and I run the hellmouth. Hmm, and no one ever thought I'd amount to anything. The only good thing is that Angelus is dust. The Spike of this world took off after he and my vampself dusted Angelus, and Dru choose me over him. She must have still been under the effects of the spell, 'cause otherwise why the hell would she do that?
The gang is all dead here, all of them. From what I understand, the spell that Amy cast lasted a lot longer in this dimension. After Dru vamped me, I used it to get to Willow and Buffy. I killed them, no turning, just death. I killed Jenny, Joyce, Cordy, and the Cordettes, and finally, Amy. Once Amy died, the spell wore off. By that time, Giles was easy pickings; he came after me - vamp me - but Dru did some freaky mind shit to him and then my vampire self snapped his neck.
Vamp-me took great pleasure in telling me all the gory details. I'll spare you those, but I now know without a doubt that I am not a nice demon. None of the girls died virgins. Vampire Xander is a sadistic, cruel bastard and I hope to hell we get out of here without having to see him again. Plus I think it's giving Spike ideas.
Spike, another topic worth scrutinising. What the hell are we doing together? I mean yeah, there's the sex and that's not a bad thing, but I don't know where this is going, or even if it's going anywhere. I think I'm in love with him. No, I'm pretty sure I know I am. It's his feelings I'm not sure about.
I wanted to talk to him last night but two minions burst in here and there was confusion and babbling and then we went into town, met with My vampire self and his looney-tunes sire. When we got home - and since this is where we live essentially, I'll call it home - Spike didn't look like he was in any mood to talk so I went to shower.
I was barely wet when he joined me, I don't know what set him off, but something was bothering him. He plastered himself to my back and began kissing my throat; it was very nice but not enough to distract me from the slight shaking I could feel. I didn't comment on it, just pretended I hadn't noticed. We washed each other, again it was very nice getting to touch him, have him touch me... but I'm getting off topic again.
After the shower, Spike carried me out to the bed and did very nice things to me. I won't go into detail, (sorry but since I don't know who might read this, I just won't) but needless to say, we needed to shower again when he was finished. After the second shower, we finally talked.
I asked Spike what was bothering him, told him that whatever it was he could tell me, I'd understand. He looked at me with such... hope I guess is the word I'm looking for, but it hardly does justice to the emotion I saw in his eyes. He told me, haltingly and with much growling, raging, cursing and crying, what Riley had done to him. Lets just say, if I had known this when I was still there, Buffy would have been finding pieces of him all over Sunnydale.
After that confession, I just held him for awhile. Then he told me that he was afraid to be intimate with me that way, of course he didn't quite say it so nicely, but what I wrote sounds so much better than "I don't think I'm ready to bend over for ya yet". That was why he told me that morning he wasn't ready. Because he wasn't - still isn't - ready for that.
It was the blood he'd gotten from Willy that pushed him past his reluctance. He explained to me that after surviving this long on stale animal blood, fresh warm human blood acted like an aphrodisiac, making him horny as hell. I admit I was a bit insulted at first, but then he told me that if all he were after was a shag, there had been several whores in the bar he could have had easily. He just saw me standing in the sunlight and he said he had to have me, "sod the consequences". So, now that I understand why he wasn't ready, and why he still doesn't want to risk me topping him, we can hopefully see where this thing between us is going.
My only fear is that he's with me because I saved him, because he sees me as some kind of... I don't know, superhero sounds so lame but I can't come up with anything better. I mean, if it were Deadboy that saved him instead of me, would he be sleeping with him now? I know it's not fair, I shouldn't question it but I've always sort of been the convenient one, I don't want that again, not this time.
Cordy used me cause I was easy to manipulate; I did anything she said, as far as keeping our relationship a secret so she didn't look bad to her friends. Willow and the whole fluke thing in high school, well hell, that could have been a spell for all I know. Revenge for dating Cordy and not her. 'Cause look how well that turned out, Oz forgave her, everyone forgave her. Cordy hated me after that, Oz was never the same with me, Buffy and Giles both blamed me as well.
We won't go into Faith. Period.
Then there was Anya. Newly human and in desperate need of friendship and guidance. Not that I minded so much, but she seemed to know that I was just a big fluffy puppy who wouldn't hurt anyone. So she glommed onto me and I sucked up the attention like a sponge. I knew, deep down that I was just a convenience, that's why I called off the wedding at the last minute. She had only dated one guy her entire human lifetime, how did she know I was really the one? I wasn't sure, so how could she be?
I want more this time. I don't want to be convenient, or easy, or safe. I want to be loved damn it! I want to be wanted for me, for just being Xander Harris. Is that too much to ask? Am I expecting too much from an emotionally crippled vampire? Probably, but I can't help it. I want this to be real, for both of us.
The hotel room door opened and Xander closed his book before looking up. Spike had gone shopping; he left Xander a note and took off before he had woken up.
"Mornin' pet. Brought you some brekkies."
Spike set a brown paper takeout bag on the nightstand along with a cup of coffee and a bottle of orange juice. He then unpacked the other bag in his hand, pulling out soap, shampoo, shaving cream, razors, toothpaste and a toothbrush. Xander raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Spike also unpacked a couple bottles of lube as well. He just opened the bag on the table next to him to see what Spike had brought him for breakfast.
"Blueberry muffins?"
"They were out of chocolate chip. What, you don't like blueberry?"
"No, actually, they're my favourite. Thanks."
Xander grinned and dug into his breakfast. Spike snorted in amusement and watched his lover eat. There was something immensely satisfying about watching Xander dig into his food. Spike sighed wistfully and wished he could taste things the way he used to when he was alive. It just wasn't the same now, the only thing that really held any flavour for him now was blood - and that onion thing they used to do at The Bronze, bloody brilliant that thing was.
Xander finished the last of his coffee and headed for the shower. He stopped to kiss Spike on the way.
"Thanks for bringing me breakfast, and for doing the shopping."
"Eh, was awake. Nothing better to do."
Spike pulled Xander closer and kissed him deeply before releasing him and giving him a gentle push toward the bathroom. Truth was, he didn't trust the vampire version of Xander not to try something, so he had no intention of letting his lover leave the room until they shifted again.
Once Spike was sure that Xander was in the shower and wouldn't be coming back into the main room for a few minutes he pulled a medium-sized black leather bound book from deep inside one of his dusters pockets. He treated it with a dab of the oil that the warlock Xander had given them and then sat down to write. It seemed to help Xander after all, so he figured he'd give it a try.
Part Thirty-Four Xander, I don't know what possessed you to help me, but I am deeply grateful to you. You will never know how close to the end I was, how easily I could have given up hope on ever having a better life. You saved me. Poncy as it sounds, I owe you my unlife.
I can't tell you all the things that I've been through; reliving them just isn't in the cards for me right now. Might just send me right around the bend to think of some of it. The lesser extent of the damage, you already know. I was raped, beaten, tortured, mutilated. I've had things inside me that no vampire should ever have inside them, crosses, holy water, stakes, UV lights.
You're probably wondering right now what's going on between us, wish I could tell you. Truth is I don't know. I know I want you, I need you - so bloody much I'm afraid of what will happen when you realise how pathetic I am and decide you're better off without me. I know that I don't deserve you, but I'll do whatever it takes to keep you with me as long as I can.
Since this is my book, and I don't have to let you read this unless I want to, I can admit to myself in here that I love you. Don't know when it happened exactly, but I do. Won't tell you though, too scared of running you off.
You've given me back my life, my freedom. You gave me safety, security, loyalty and friendship. You gave me the sun, Xander; words can't express what that means to me, hopefully someday I'll be able to show you. You make me whole; with you I want to write bloody poetry and read it to you in bed. I used to be a poet, back before I was changed. You bring out the man in me, Xander. That's a good thing.
When I made love to you - and that is what I did - it was because I wanted to, wanted you. I hope you know that it wasn't just sex, that I wasn't using you. I wouldn't, not you - not ever. I'm not ready to let you take me, but it's not because I don't want you, it's just that I'm afraid. Yeah, that's right. The Big Bad is afraid. They hurt me, love. They hurt me so badly I don't know if I'll ever recover. I hope you can understand that, and that you'll be patient.
Meeting you as a vampire has been an enlightening experience - you make a bloody gorgeous demon, love. A part of me wants to turn you so badly it makes my teeth itch. My demon screams out for you. Not because I want to kill you, because I want to claim you, keep you forever. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you now. I need you so bloody much it scares me. The rest of me though, well, the rest of me wants you forever as well, but as you are, warm and human and so bloody perfect. I love dipping into your body, feeling all that heat surrounding me, holding me tight. Bloody amazing. Don't want to give that up any time soon, or at all.
I know you're eager to get home, to get back to your mates and all, but I hope we don't get there too soon. I don't want to share you just yet; I'm selfish that way. I like having you all to myself, holding you close, watching you sleep. I'm afraid I'll lose you when we get to your world. To your friends, your life, your Spike. He must realise what a fine man you are, even if he doesn't say anything. I'm jealous of myself, bloody ironic, innit?
You gave me so much, my life, my freedom, your trust, your... innocence. You give and give, Xander. And I take and take. What the hell do you get out of this? I'm no prize, pet. I know that. Wasn't when I was human, nor after I was turned - Angelus wanted to stake me so many times it wasn't funny, even worse now. I can't even be a proper vampire, can't protect you from other humans.
Worthless. That's what I am. I won't tell you that though, figure it out on your own sooner or later. Me, I'm hoping for later. I want to have as much time with you as I can before it all gets blown to shit. Don't know what I'll do then, just wait for the dawn I suppose; ring comes off, after all.
Spike heard the shower turn off so he put his book back into his coat pocket. He removed the last of his morning purchases from the bag he had left on the dresser. He grimaced. This was not something he was looking forward to.
Xander stepped out of the bathroom and walked over to the dresser. He looked over Spike's shoulders at the box of hair colouring he was scowling at. He smiled at his lover's look of annoyance.
"I hope that's not for me. I like my hair just fine thanks."
"Funny pet. I was just thinkin', might do some good if I wasn't so recognisable. What with being out in the day and all."
Xander thought about that for a minute before answering. It was a good idea, not only was Spike's look very... attention-grabbing, it was easily recognised by anyone who knew him, demon or human alike.
"Good idea. We don't know what we might run into out there; the less you look like... well you, the easier it'll be for you to move around without drawing attention. We should get you new clothes as well."
Spike instinctively wrapped his duster around him tightly. He didn't want to give up his coat; he had worn it steadily for the past three decades. It was a part of who he was, just like his boots and his hair. He sighed and hung his head; if he was going to change the hair, he could give up the coat. Just until they got back to Xander's world though. Then the coat comes back on and the hair gets bleached.
"Right. First the hair, then the clothes."
"Need any help?"
"Nah, been bleaching it for years, this can't be any harder."
Xander got dressed and flopped across the bed while Spike went off to dye his hair in the bathroom. Xander tried to picture Spike with the light brown-coloured hair that the girl (snort) on the box had. It just didn't work when he combined it with the slicked-back look the blonde favoured. Maybe he could get him to try it without the gel.
Half an hour later, a brown-haired, towel-clad Spike emerged from the bathroom. Xander swallowed hard and sat up on the bed admiring the view in front of him. Spike looked good, very good. His hair was still mussed from when he'd dried it; the towel hung precariously from his hips and small droplets of water still clung to his chest and belly.
Spike looked over at Xander and smiled smugly at the look of rampant lust on his lover's face. He guessed that answered the question of whether he looked like an utter git or not.
"So, pet. What do you think?"
"Mphurgle?"
Spike laughed and pulled Xander to his feet before kissing him deeply. The boy might not know how to express himself in words, but he always got his point across. In this case Spike was taking 'mphurgle' as 'you look damn sexy, please shag me now?' And who was he to say no?
Xander ran his fingers through the damp, darkened locks; despite decades of abuse, Spike's hair was still soft as silk. He pulled away reluctantly to draw breath and then got a wicked idea in his head.
Before Spike knew what had happened, Xander had ripped his towel away and sunk to his knees in front of him. He took the vampire's still soft member into his mouth and sucked it down to the root.
"Christ! Xander!"
As the cock in his mouth began to swell and lengthen, Xander slid it out of his mouth slowly and then sucked just the head back in. He smiled around his mouthful of vampire as the former blonde began to babble nonsense and pant for breath. He'd never done this before, but he was encouraged by Spike's response.
Spike looked down at the fully dressed human who was sucking him off so intently. It was quite a sight actually, him completely naked, cheap hotel towel pooled at his feet, and Xander completely dressed except for shoes. It made his already hard cock twitch in realisation. He had a bit of a kink here, not one he had ever known about before.
Xander let Spike's cock slip free and lowered his mouth to lick and nuzzle at his balls instead. He sucked first one and then the other into his mouth, rolling them on his tongue. Spike's skin tasted clean like soap, but underneath there was a distinct earthy flavour, heavy with a faint coppery tang.
Spike felt his knees begin to give way when Xander started licking and sucking his nuts. It was all he could do to stay on his feet as his lovely boy licked and sucked at them. He reached down to stroke himself off, unable to take any more of this exquisite torture, when his hand was gently clasped and held still.
"Uh uh, no touching. Mine."
Xander released Spike's hand and wrapped his fingers around Spike's cock. He began stroking the shaft with one hand as his head bobbed up and down, taking as much as he could into his mouth. He felt Spike's hand come to rest on his head, petting his hair and urging him to go faster. Xander sped up and began sucking harder, suddenly desperate to bring Spike off, to taste his release. He felt Spike stiffen and then heard him cry out as his mouth was filled with lukewarm liquid.
"Xander! Fuck! Xander!"
Xander swallowed and looked up at Spike while licking his lips. He watched as Spike's eyes went from blue to yellow and then back to blue. There was something totally erotic about seeing Spike's demon face watching him taste his cum. Spike must have thought so too, because Xander suddenly found himself flat on his back on the bed with a naked, panting vampire on top of him. Too bad the universe hated him and chose that moment for them to shift
Part Thirty-Five Spike was up off of Xander and getting dressed faster than Xander could blink. He had to give the guy credit for putting his vamp speed to good use. Xander leapt off the bed and held up his hands in platitude. The last thing he needed was for her to start screaming and wake up the big guy.
"Hey, sorry. Must have been some kind of mix up. We'll just be going now, no need to wake up your husband or boyfriend, whatever. Just... here,"
Xander scooped up the cash on the bed and held out a handful of it to her.
"Take this and we'll call it even okay?"
All of this was said in a quiet, somewhat calm voice. Xander really didn't want to get the shit kicked out of him for: a) being in bed with the guy's wife, or b) being in bed with the guy's wife and having a naked man on top of him, or c) trying to defend said naked man from the big guy currently drooling on his pillow.
Spike, meanwhile, had quickly stuffed everything into their bags and his coat and was trying to quietly push the motorbike out the hotel room door. Xander dropped the money on the bed beside the still-shocked woman and fled the room behind Spike.
Once they were outside and away from the threat of violence, Xander slid down to the ground and began to shake. Spike looked down at him, concerned for his emotional state after what had to be very traumatising for him.
"Hey, you alright luv?"
Xander looked up at Spike, tears streaming down his face and burst out laughing. Spike took a step back and watched with trepidation. He wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with his pet, but he was going to fix it.
"Xander?"
"Oh God, Spike! Her face! Did you see her face?!"
Xander continued to laugh and Spike couldn't help but smile. He hadn't exactly been paying that much attention at the time; he was more concerned about getting the hell out of there before the mountain of a man sleeping next to her woke up and twigged to the situation. In retrospect, he had to agree that it was pretty fucking funny.
"Yeah, but yours was better."
Spike snickered as he remembered Xander holding a wad of bills out in front of him like a shield.
"Giving her money, luv? She probably thinks we're a couple of kinky buggers who like to have someone watch."
Spike laughed even harder as the implications of what he'd just said leaked into Xander's head. They both sat, back up against a brick wall two buildings over from the hotel and laughed until their sides hurt.
"You know, we still need to get you some clothes. Wanna go to Wal Mart?"
"Why in hell would I want to go there? I may be an evil demon, luv, but even I don't deserve to be dragged through Wal Mart."
Xander chuckled and stood up, he reached his hand down for Spike and pulled him to his feet.
"Come on, if you're a good little vampire, I'll let you push the cart."
Xander smiled at Spike and got a kiss in return.
"You're barmy pet. I'm not pushing the soddin' cart."
Xander laughed and climbed on the bike behind Spike and they raced off toward the Sunnydale Mall. Also known as Wal Mart hell. Spike shook his head as he realised he must be in love; he was willingly going to Wall Mart.
Inside the store, Spike looked around in terror. This was bad; there were housewives everywhere, little kids in strollers, babies crying ... old people in blue smocks grinning at him and trying to give him a cart. Spike sighed in relief when Xander took a cart and put one arm over his shoulders and steered him toward the men's department.
Since it was the middle of the day, it was relatively empty. Xander picked out some faded blue jeans for Spike and some white t-shirts. The former blonde pouted prettily and Xander traded the white shirts for grey. Two light blue button-down shirts later and they were off to footwear.
After much grumbling and cursing and bribes of future sex acts, Xander persuaded Spike to get some normal running shoes and give up the Doc's for awhile. They picked out a decent looking pair of runners, and then Spike pointed towards the electronics department.
"Can we get a walkman? Maybe some CD's?"
"Sure, come on."
Xander left Spike looking through the music section while he picked up a CD walkman and some batteries. He turned around to go back to Spike when he ran into himself, and... Spike. Not his Spike, a blonde Spike.
"Holy hellmouth Batman! Spike, do you see that? It's me! How? Oh God! Is he a vamp? Tell me he's not a vamp?"
"He's not a vamp."
"I'm not a vamp."
Both Spike and Xander answered simultaneously. Xander sighed in frustration and ran his fingers back through his hair. He looked over to where Spike - his Spike, was rifling through the CD's.
"Look, it's a long story. Let me get Spike and then we'll all go sit down and talk. Okay?"
Xander didn't wait for an answer; he just headed back to the music section and collected his vampire. He leaned in and whispered to Spike about the current situation and stifled a laugh when his lover complained about having his double see his 'poncy' hair colour.
The other Xander took one look at Spike with brown hair, no gel, and burst out laughing. Spike - blonde Spike - scowled, as did the other one. Xander put his arm around his brunette vampire and gave him a squeeze. He leaned in and whispered in his ear that he thought he looked sexy as hell, then he nipped him on the earlobe lightly.
The other Xander stopped laughing and watched his double openly display affection to the vampire in his arms. He looked over at his vampiric companion and then looked down at the floor guiltily. He heard Spike snort at him before stomping off in the direction of the food court.
"Lovely, now he's pissed at me again."
Xander and Spike looked over at the man who had just spoken. Seemed like things were not all peaches and cream between this world's Spike and Xander. They looked at each other and then looked at Xander.
"So, where to? I assume you still want answers?"
"Yeah, fangless probably went for..."
Xander trailed off as he saw the brown-haired version of Spike begin to tremble before his double shot him a nasty look and pulled the vampire into his arms. He could hear his twin whispering to him and petting him. He wondered what had set him off.
"Er, hey? Uh, Spike probably went to get onion rings, he likes them for some reason; we should catch up."
Xander watched as the other him headed off in pursuit of his Spike, never taking his arm off of the vampire's shoulder. Life in Sunnydale just got stranger and stranger.
Spike sat at the little table munching on onion rings and brooding. Not that he would admit that. Things had been going okay for him and Xander, sure none of the scoobies knew they were a couple, and Xander was always very careful to never show him any affection in public, but alone, they were good together. They had argued some about why Xander wanted to keep them a secret. Spike wasn't one for hiding his affections, if he was in love - or even serious like, he wanted to flaunt it, show the world.
It was an old argument. One that had been rehashed just last night when they were at home watching TV. Dawn was out with Willow and Tara at the movies and they were laying on the sofa cuddling and watching an old movie. As soon as Xander heard the doorknob turn he leapt off the couch and sat in the chair.
Now, today, they were out picking up work clothes for Xander and a new pair of jeans for him and whom should they run into but themselves. Well, a strikingly similar version of Xander and a Spike with poncy hair. Spike couldn't help but be angry at the way the other Xander expressed himself so freely with the dark-haired version of himself. Biting his ear in the middle of Wal Mart for Christ's sake. His Xander would never do that.
"Speak of the devil."
Spike muttered to himself as he watched two Xanders and a Spike come toward him. The other human was still showing physical affection to the vampire and scowling at the other version of himself. Spike wondered what his pet had said to piss the other man off. His Xander had a mouth on him, that was for sure.
Xander sat down and shot an apologetic look at Spike. He really didn't want to get into this again, especially in front of their... guests. He couldn't understand why it was such a big deal to Spike to go public with their relationship. It would only cause problems.
"So, you want to start with why you're here or how you got here?"
"Or why your hair looks like that?
Spike couldn't resist throwing in the barb. His double looked entirely too much like the man he used to be before he was turned. Throw in a pair of wire-rimmed specs and he would pass for William just fine.
"Vengeance demon, curse, dimension-hopping, hoping to get home, needed clothes."
"And my hair colour is none of your soddin' business. Wanker."
Xander smiled at his lover and reached under the table to squeeze his thigh. Spike looked smugly at his double and then leaned over and kissed his Xander on the lips. He could hear the other vampire's subvocal growl. He pulled back from Xander's lips and smirked at him.
"That was the edited, edited version pet. Don't think I've ever heard you sum it up better."
This world's Xander and Spike exchanged a look before they both sighed and shook their heads.
"Anya?"
Xander had to ask, she was the only vengeance demon he knew. Besides, from the look of things, she had good reason to curse them. One more reason for him to keep his relationship a secret.
"I think so, yeah. I sorta left her at the altar and then well, this."
"Not to be nosy, but were you two shaggin' when you were still with her?"
"No. I can honestly say I was not shagging Spike when I was with An. He's not the reason I walked away."
Spike studied them both carefully, there was something else going on here; his double wouldn't even look at his Xander, and he kept sneaking glances at Spike's mouth.
"So why'd she curse you as well then? If you weren't buggering the boy when he was hers, why'd she send you along?"
Xander groaned and thumped his head on the table. Tact was something that was lost on Spike. He honestly wondered why he put up with him. Well other than the fact that he was different when it was just the two of them.
"She didn't. I got picked up along the way."
"So you're not even from his world? Did you know the Xander from your reality then?"
"Not well. I kidnapped him once, but he moved to L.A."
Spike looked at his watch and then sighed. He pushed his chair back and stood up.
"Well, this has been fascinating, truly, but we need to get going."
He turned and looked at his Xander and then smirked. A truly evil glint in his eye he continued.
"Your wife will be looking for you after all, won't she?"
Xander pounded his head on the table again. Spike smiled a satisfied smile and began strolling away, whistling a happy tune. He stopped at the edge of the food court and called back over his shoulder.
"Come on pet, you know she gets in a right tizzy when you don't come home for lunch. Don't want to get her batteries in a bunch now do ya?"
Part Thirty-Six "Wife? You're married?"
Spike chuckled from a few feet away and Xander sighed.
"Look, come by Buffy's house tonight after sunset. We'll talk then, okay? I need to get Spike into the trunk and head home."
Xander nodded dumbly and watched as his double walked away, catching up to and then smacking a still-chuckling blonde vampire. He turned to look at his Spike and noticed the way he was watching the retreating couple.
"He doesn't treat him very well."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"They're together; I can smell them all over each other, but he acts like he hates me - him."
Xander was shocked. Not because of the him-and-Spike thing going on in this world, but because the him of this reality was married. That was one thing he had sworn he would never do. If he ever got married, he swore he would never cheat, never turn into his father.
"B - but he's married. He can't..."
"He is, he does. The nose doesn't lie, pet. They're shaggin', no doubt about it."
"Well, I guess we'll find out what's going on tonight; come on, we weren't finished shopping. Still need some CD's after all."
"Fine, but can we go to a music store? They don't carry The Pistols at Wal Mart."
Xander chuckled and picked up his bags; Spike grabbed the others and followed behind his human. So far, of all the Xanders he'd met, he liked his the most.
The music store wasn't empty, but it wasn't over crowded either. Most likely due to the fact that it was a school day and not yet lunch break. With any luck, they could get what they came for and be gone before teenagers overran the place.
Spike grinned as he came up behind Xander with a handful of punk CD's. He looked over his lover's shoulder and grimaced at the music he was looking at. Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync.
"You've got to be bloody kidding me. You don't actually listen to that crap do you?"
"Oh and I suppose what you have is any better? What do you have, anyway?"
"Pistols, Queen, The Clash, Ramones. You know, music."
Xander chuckled at Spike and put his apparently crappy CD's down. He held out his hand and Spike handed over his stack. Xander flipped through them, turning them over and reading the play lists. He shrugged his shoulders and handed them back to Spike.
"Okay, we done here? 'Cause I'm starved and I'd like to hit the pizza place before it's invaded by hungry teenagers."
"Sure thing. Then I guess we should see about a place to stay. Don't think the Motor Lodge is a good idea this time."
Grinning, the two made their way to the register before heading out into the mall so Xander could eat.
The Holiday Inn was more expensive than the Motor Lodge, but Xander figured they could afford at least one night here; maybe tomorrow they could see about going back to the Motor Lodge. Spike parked the bike and they went inside.
After unpacking and bespelling their new purchases, Spike reluctantly shed his dark clothes and pulled on a pair of blue jeans and one of the button down shirts. He wished for once that he had a reflection. He knew he looked like a git, he could tell by the way the other Spike had looked at him. But if it kept his identity concealed, it would be worth it.
"So, we have hours to waste before heading to Buffy's, what do you want to do?"
Spike leered at Xander and then crawled onto the bed with him.
"I seem to remember someone making all sorts of interesting promises to me if I behaved and bought some sneakers. So, you tell me, pet. What shall we do?"
Xander batted his eyelashes at Spike and put on his best innocent face. He ducked his head slightly and looked at Spike through his thick lashes.
"Um, well you could teach me... stuff? I don't really know a lot about sex with guys since you're my first."
Xander had to suppress a wicked smirk as Spike's eyes bled from blue to yellow and then back again. Oh yeah, reminding him that he gets to corrupt the innocent young human was a good idea. A very good idea.
Spike stood and looked at Xander as if he were trying to decide what to teach him first. He then smiled, a true smile, and crooked his finger at the young man on the bed.
"Come here, luv."
Once Xander was standing in front of him, Spike pulled him close and kissed him softly before whispering in his ear.
"Strip."
Xander swallowed and then took two steps back from the vampire before pulling at his clothes. Spike chuckled and told him to slow down. Once Xander was naked, he looked at Spike and waited for his next command.
"Undress me, slowly, I want to enjoy it."
Xander started on the buttons of Spike's shirt. One by one he slowly unfastened them, taking time to caress the smooth silky skin of Spike's chest as it was slowly revealed. He had to congratulate himself; this had been a good idea on his part.
"Take it off of me."
Xander slid the shirt down over Spike's shoulders, letting it slip from his arms to land on the floor. He ran his fingers lightly from Spike's collarbone down his chest and stomach to stop at the waistband of his jeans. He gave Spike a wicked grin and then dropped to his knees.
Spike watched as Xander lowered himself to his knees and then groaned as his boy rubbed his face against his crotch before tugging the top button of his jeans open with his teeth. He hadn't expected Xander to be so inventive, not this early on in their relationship. He wasn't about to complain though, not when he could feel the hot breath of his lover ghosting across his skin.
"Yeah, that's nice pet. Keep going."
Xander moved on to the next button and tugged it open as well. He nuzzled his face into the opening of Spike's jeans and licked at the skin he found there; he felt the wiry hair tickle his chin and pulled back to open the next button.
Another button opened and Xander could see the thick shaft of the vampire's cock. He licked it and then placed small biting kisses along the exposed side. Spike sucked in a breath and let out a low moan.
"God, pet. Get me out, use your hands."
Xander made short work of the remaining buttons and pulled the jeans down Spike's legs. He looked at the hard, leaking cock in front of him and waited to be told what to do next. He didn't have to wait long.
"Suck me."
The feel of warm, wet suction nearly did him in. Spike allowed his demon to come forth in a bid for control. He didn't want to shoot his load so quickly. He was enjoying this, having control, teaching Xander exactly how to pleasure him. Made him feel strong again, like a proper vampire.
"Oh fuck, yeah pet that's it, take me in. Suck me Xander, fuck you're so good."
Xander bobbed his head up and down the vampire's shaft; he looked up to see that Spike was in game face and felt his own cock swell to painful proportions. This was the Spike he remembered from home, in control, dominant, and holy fuck; sexy as hell.
Xander moaned piteously as Spike pushed him away from his treat. He tried to get it back but found himself picked up and tossed onto the bed. Spike slithered onto the bed and sat with his back against the headboard. He reached down for the bag on the floor and came back up with a bottle of lube.
"Get yerself ready for me luv, I want to watch you."
Xander took the bottle and squirted some of the slick gel onto his fingers and cautiously inserted one finger into himself. He looked up at Spike and blushed at the look of concentration on his face.
"More."
Xander added another finger and began stretching himself. He felt sort of... dirty touching himself like this, but at the same time it was such a turn-on, knowing that Spike was getting off on this. He waited until he was told before adding a third finger.
Spike watched fascinated as his boy did everything he said. He was sure he would be met with blushes and stammers and embarrassment when he told him to prepare himself. He was pleasantly surprised by Xander's acquiescence.
"Enough. Come here, luv. I want you to ride me."
Xander looked up and Spike saw the rush of arousal spread across his features. He helped to settle Xander on his lap and then let him take over. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Xander lowered himself onto Spike's cock.
Spike hissed as his erection was slowly encased in burning heat. He dug his fingernails painfully into his palms to keep from grabbing Xander and thrusting up into him. Once Xander's ass was flush against his thighs, Spike opened yellow eyes and waited for the boy to move.
The first tentative movements made Spike's eyes roll back in his head. Eventually Xander found a comfortable rhythm and began to ride him with enthusiasm. Once Spike was sure he could control himself, he let his demon face fall away and leaned in to kiss Xander without the threat of fangs.
In this position, Xander was able to angle himself so that his prostate was stroked on every thrust. He knew he wasn't going to last long, especially once Spike had begun fisting his cock as well. He couldn't help but speed up until he was fucking himself with abandon on his lover's thick shaft. He screamed into Spike's mouth as he shot his cum all over the vampire's hand and chest. He felt Spike stiffen beneath him as his bowels were loaded with cool fluid.
"Bloody hell, Xander. If that's what you can do the first time, you'll be the final death of me once you've gotten in some practice."
Xander just chuckled and melted against his chest. Spike lifted Xander off of him and then carried him into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet in the tub and then lowered them both into the water. A nice hot soak was a perfect finale to an exceptionally good shag.
"Mmm, water feels nice. Thanks Spike."
"You're welcome luv. Rest now, we'll go see the others once the sun sets."
Part Thirty-Seven Standing outside the Summers' house, Xander held Spike to him tightly. He knew this wasn't going to be easy on his lover, being inside the home of the slayer. He could only hope that in this reality, Riley wasn't around. He could have kicked himself for not asking beforehand.
"Do you want me to go in first? Check things out?"
"Yes, but I'm not letting you go in there alone. I'll deal."
"Say the word and we turn around and leave. We don't have to do this."
Spike sighed and burrowed deeper into Xander's arms. He really did want to leave, but at the same time he was tired of always being afraid. He wanted his life back, and to get it he had to start facing his fears. This place was as good as any to start.
"I'll let you know if it gets to be too much. Come on, luv. Let's not keep them waiting; 'sides I want to meet your wife."
Xander rolled his eyes and watched as Spike removed his ring and shoved it deep into his pants pocket. Xander raised an eyebrow in question.
"I had my hand in my pocket earlier, I don't think they saw it. Think I'd like to keep it that way. For now at least."
"Okay, but if things start looking bad, you put it on. No arguments."
"No arguments."
Xander went up the steps, Spike beside him, and rang the bell. As he waited for someone to answer the door, he felt nervous; he didn't know what was going on in this world, but he didn't like the implications. He was married, apparently, and involved with Spike.
"Oh my God! It's true! There really are two of you!"
Spike stepped back from the squealing teenager and Xander just smiled. Dawn was still very much Dawn in this world, something Xander was grateful for. He had missed her.
"Hey, Dawnie. Is Xander here? And wow does that ever sound weird."
Dawn smiled and stepped back from the door. Xander cleared his throat and inclined his head toward Spike.
"He needs an invite."
"Oh. I just thought, you know, since he's Spike that he could come in."
Xander looked at his vampire and got a shrug in response. This was something they hadn't had to deal with before. Spike reached out and put his hand through the doorway - no barrier.
"See? I was right."
Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at them. Xander could see Spike's influence on the girl and grinned. It was just like back home. He took Spike's hand and together they walked into the house. Dawn looked at their joined hands and smiled.
"Xander is still in the shower, but Spike is in the kitchen. I'll get him."
Xander pulled his Spike down onto the sofa beside him and they waited for Dawn to come back with Spike. Xander could see that Spike was making an effort not to simply get up and leave. He appreciated it, but he wished his lover had told him that he was this uncomfortable.
"You okay? Wanna leave?"
"M'fine Xan, just a bit unsettled."
Xander pulled Spike close and kissed him. It was a kiss full of love and reassurance. Spike moaned softly into Xander's mouth and pulled him closer. This was exactly what he needed. For some reason, Xander's presence calmed him like nothing else. They broke apart at the sound of a cleared throat followed by a girlish squeal. Xander and Spike both looked up to see a grinning teenager and a slightly amused blonde vampire.
"Oh my God! You guys are like so hot together."
Dawn spun around and slapped the blonde Spike on the arm.
"How come you and Xander aren't together? Look at them, don't they make a cute couple?"
"I'm not soddin' cute."
The brunette Spike grumbled from his position on the couch. Xander had to disagree with that statement, especially at the moment, seeing as Spike was pouting. That full bottom lip pushed out in such a way that it was taking all his considerable willpower to refrain from sucking it into his mouth and biting down on it. His distress must have been obvious, for Spike turned and leered at him before sucking his lip into his own mouth and making Xander groan in frustration.
"You two need to be alone?"
Blonde Spike, infuriatingly smug. Or jealous - it was hard to tell, but Xander was pretty sure there was some resentment going on there. Maybe it was just as well that Spike had put his ring away. This Spike didn't seem overly taken with the idea of them being here.
"Nah, we're good."
"Mmm, yes. You were very good, pet."
Brunette Spike leered at his lover, while surreptitiously watching his blonde counterpart out of the corner of his eye. Yep, definitely some resentment there.
"I'll go see what's keeping Xander. Bit? You should haul your arse if you're gonna make that movie with Janice."
"Yeah, yeah. You guys just wanna get rid of me so you can have 'grown-up talk' with these two."
"Dawn."
"I'm going! Sheesh, you'd think I was five or something by the way you guys treat me. You're worse than mom was."
Spike growled and Dawn headed for the door. She picked up her purse and keys and then left. Spike watched from the doorway until she was safely across the street at Janice's house. Then he went upstairs to see what was taking Xander so long.
Spike found Xander in the guest room. He watched as he moved around the room, adjusting the curtains and plugging in the battery charger. He waited until Xander flipped the switch on and turned around to leave before speaking.
"Wifey all settled in for the night then? Good. Our doppelgangers are downstairs in the living room. You plan on telling them about us or you wanna play the 'I just tolerate him for Dawn's sake' card here, too?"
Xander turned off the light and sighed as he left the room. He reached out for Spike but the vampire stepped back out of reach. Xander ran his fingers through his hair, stopping to pull on it in his frustration.
"Fuck, Spike! Why do you have to be like this? Isn't it enough that I want to be with you? Do we have to tell everyone?"
"Yessss!"
Spike hissed out between clenched teeth. He was tired of being a dirty little secret, if they were going to be together, he wanted the boy's friends to know.
"Bloody hell, Xander. Why are you so friggin' ashamed of me?"
"I'm not! God, can we please not do this right now? We'll talk later, I promise. After they've left, okay?"
Spike wasn't happy but he nodded his head. He even stayed put this time as Xander came toward him. He promised himself he was not going to kiss back, not this time. He couldn't help it though, the moment those soft, warm lips touched his, he was lost. He was love's bitch, might as well act the part.
Xander held Spike in his arms for a brief moment before letting him go. He licked his lips - tasting Spike - and then headed for the stairs. He wasn't looking forward to this; he honestly didn't understand why he'd even invited their doubles over tonight. They had done nothing but stir up trouble for him. Xander looked back to see if Spike was following him.
"Shall we get this over then?"
"Yeah, you go in first though, I've already interrupted them snoggin' once. Dawn thinks they make a cute couple."
Now Xander understood. That was why Spike was in a mood, Dawn knew about their doubles being together and was okay with it. More reason for Spike to push about coming out to their friends.
Part Thirty-Eight "Hey."
Xander looked up at his double and smiled somewhat ruefully. Sure he was curious about the whole being- married-yet-boinking-Spike aspect of this version of himself, but he was now wondering if he shouldn't have just blown this off and stayed in the room with Spike - learning things.
"Hey, yourself."
Spike snorted from behind Xander and strolled into the room. He flopped down in the chair next to the sofa and gave his double a good going-over. He still couldn't believe that his double looked so poncy. Where was the blonde hair? The tight black clothes? The leather and Doc's? Bloody hell, he looked pathetic.
"It's camouflage, ya wanker! Stop looking at me like I'm Angel, fer Chrissakes!"
"I would if ya didn't look like such a bleedin' poof!"
Spike had had enough; he stood up and snarled at his double. Blonde Spike stood as well. Both Xanders waited, ready to interfere if necessary, but not willing to interrupt just yet.
"Just who the hell do you think you are? Calling me a poof? I happen to know that you and the boy there are shaggin' each other, so isn't that a bit hypocritical of you, mate?"
"Not what I meant, and you soddin' well know it! Leave me and Xander out of this; this is about you looking like him."
Both Xanders exchanged a confused look. Oh they both knew that they were talking about William, they just couldn't understand why it upset blonde Spike so much.
"We are him."
"No! I'm not! William was a bleedin' ponce. He was weak and soppy; let everyone walk all over him. I. Am. Not. Him."
"Yes he was all that. But he was more, he was a good man, he loved, he had friends, family. The only thing he ever wanted was to be loved in return. If that isn't you, than we are nothing alike."
It was like watching a car wreck. Spike - blonde Spike - seemed to cave in on himself, like everything he had been, was suddenly torn away. He looked at his double's Xander, standing behind him, one hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. Then he looked at his Xander - closed off, face like stone, purposely keeping any and all emotion carefully locked away. He knew at that moment that he was William, always had been and always would be.
He wanted what his double had. If it meant changing his hair and dark clothes, he'd do it in an instant. He couldn't understand how it was that this Xander loved his double so openly and his Xander wouldn't even touch him in public. It hurt. A lot.
"Maybe we should go. We didn't come for this, I'm sorry."
Xander began tugging Spike toward the door. He didn't care about his questions now. For all he cared, this Xander could boff half of Sunnydale while his wife stayed home and made cookies. He wanted to go back to the hotel and just hold his vampire close. The look of raw pain on the other Spike's face made him ache in sympathy. His double was a fool.
Before they made it to the door, Spike stopped Xander and whispered in his ear. He reminded him of the spell that Willow had cast on him, and asked if that was a possibility here. He honestly didn't like seeing himself in such pain, it was obvious - to him at least - that his double was very much in love with the stubborn human.
"Oh God! I never even thought. I'm such an idiot."
Xander rested his head on Spike's shoulder as the vampire wrapped him in his arms. He laid a soft kiss to Spike's neck and then stepped back enough to turn and face his double.
"We need to talk. Alone. Now."
While the Xanders headed for the kitchen, Spike sat back down on the sofa and watched as his double paced and pulled out a cigarette. He reached for one himself and lit up. He didn't smoke a lot anymore, not since he'd taken up with Xander; he didn't want to make his lover sick after all.
"You love him, don't you?"
Spike stopped pacing and with a sigh he fell onto the couch beside his double.
"That obvious? Pillock doesn't see it, he thinks this is just goods times for both of us."
"Why are you here then? I mean, he's a married man."
Spike snorted. Then he cracked a smile. Then he laughed out loud. He looked at his double's dumbfounded expression and totally lost it. He had tears streaming down his face by the time he got himself under control.
"Thanks for that, mate. Needed a good laugh, I did. Let me tell you a little story about Xander's wife."
In the kitchen, Xander watched his double pace back and forth. He had just told him about Willow and the spell, how he had been happier these last few weeks than he had ever been.
"But why? I mean, why would she do that? She's my friend. And gay, she's a lesbian for God's sake."
"Was she gay in high school? Or was she in love with you at the time? 'Cause my Wills was in love with me in high school; she didn't like girls until she met Tara."
Xander sighed. He didn't want to believe what his double was saying, but he knew that Willow was capable of this, he'd seen what she did to Tara, to all of them with her Tabula Rasa spell.
"How do I break the spell? If I am under a spell, I want it gone."
"Well, you could ask Willow to remove it. Or you could ask Tara; personally I'd go with Tara. She would understand what you're going through. I wanted to ask you though, how did you end up with Spike? I never thought about him that way until after the spell was removed."
Xander sighed. He didn't understand it either. Some days, he still didn't feel attracted to Spike that way, but others... it was all he could do to keep his hands to himself when they weren't alone.
"After Buffy and Anya died, Spike and I spent a lot of time together looking after Dawn. After a particularly rough patrol one night we went back to his place and got wasted; the girls were keeping Dawn at the dorm for the night so we drank ourselves stupid. Woke up the next morning, hung over, sore all over, and naked in bed with Spike. Naked Spike."
Xander snorted as he remembered what happened next.
"I beat him to a pulp. Accused him of taking advantage of me, damn near staked him."
"What stopped you?"
"One word - chip. I realised as soon as Spike said it that he was right. He couldn't have done anything to me without my wanting it. I grabbed my gear and ran out. I threw up outside the crypt, Christ I felt like shit. I couldn't believe what I'd done. You know, Dad always said I was a fag, and then I beat the shit out of my lover. Living up to the old Harris name."
"Then what? I mean obviously something happened, or you wouldn't be together now."
Xander laughed, it was a pain-filled, self-loathing kind of laugh.
"I got married. After the reception - joke that it was - I found Spike and apologised. He was really good about it, didn't blame me for anything. Said he probably would have done the same in my place. He forgave me. Then I kissed him. It's been on and off ever since. Some days I think I love him, but other days, other days I don't understand why I'm with him. I look at him and I see Spike - vampire, man, possibly friend, but he does nothing for me below the belt, you know?"
Xander nodded. He could understand that. It sounded like the spell was breaking down on its own. Maybe this Willow wasn't as powerful as his; either that or she was doing this, taking the spell off slowly so no one would notice anything.
"About your wife? Does she know what's going on?"
"No. It's not what you think. My marriage is a sham. Hell, my wife isn't even a real person. She's a Stepford wife"
"Stepford wife? Explain please."
In the living room, Spike was staring at his double in shock. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.
"A robot? You're telling me, you had a sex bot built that looked like the slayer, and now the boy is married to it?"
"Yep. That about covers it."
"Bloody hell. And you said I was pathetic? You built a shag toy. You fell in love with a slayer. You, mate, take the top prize in the pathetic category."
Spike snorted and then shrugged his shoulders. It was probably true. Brunette Spike got a nasty look in his eyes and then asked.
"So, is he shaggin' the bot?"
In the kitchen, Xander was just about on the floor he was laughing so hard.
"You married the Buffy-bot? Oh God! You married Spike's sex toy. What the hell did you do that for?"
Xander glared at his laughing doppelganger. It wasn't like he had wanted to.
"Dawn. I did it for Dawn. So that the CFS wouldn't take her away. This way, she has two guardians, one with a stable job and a good income. I did it so that we could keep her here in Sunnydale."
That sobered Xander up quite a bit. It wasn't something they had even considered back home. Then again, Anya wasn't dead back home either. He giggled as a thought occurred to him.
"So... did you and the bot ever... "
Xander laughed again at the look of shock and embarrassment on his twin's face.
Part Thirty-Nine Tara removed the spell, after that she left. She couldn't stay in Sunnydale any longer, not knowing that Willow was capable of causing such damage to her best friend. She just couldn't trust her after that. I feel bad for Tara; she deserves so much more than she has. After that whole memory spell, she really thought Willow had changed.
My double here is married to the Buffy-bot. I laughed my ass off when I found out. He and Spike have something in common there. Spike shagged her and Xander married her. It's not nice to make fun, but it's funny as hell. I mean, he's married to a robot.
Things seem to be getting better between Xander and Spike; they told Dawn that they were together and she squealed and hugged them both. I think that did a lot for Spike's fragile ego. He didn't like being kept a secret, especially from Dawn. So now she knows. The only other person to tell is Willow, but I don't know that Xander even wants to speak to her right now. She doesn't know about Tara removing the spell. Xander wasn't ready to face her on that yet. Can't say as I blame him. I still don't know what to say to my Wills.
We're back at the Motor Lodge; we spent one night at the Holiday Inn but for financial reasons we moved back to the Lodge. Besides, this place feels like home now. Spike has been careful to keep his ring hidden; he doesn't trust the Spike of this world not to try and take it, so we spend most days inside. Not that I'm complaining, I'm happy to have him to myself.
Turns out Xander talked Willow out of bringing back Buffy. He told Spike what she was planning and blondie told him that they were being stupid. That there was no way that a slayer, especially one as good as Buffy, would be in a hell dimension. Xander believed him and talked Willow out of bringing her back. I told them about Buffy - my Buffy - and they were glad they didn't do that to theirs.
I'm sorta hoping to leave this place soon. Not that I hate it here or anything, it's just... well I feel like I've done all I can here, helped to get Xander and Spike straightened out, told Tara about what Wills had done, what's left?
I know it sounds stupid, but I'm starting to feel like there might be a purpose to this journey, I mean look at Spike. I saved him from a fate worse than death, that's a good enough reason to go through this, but maybe there is more? Or am I just trying to rationalise this 'cause I don't want to believe that Anya could do something like this to me for no apparent reason?
Xander put his journal away and turned on the TV. As usual there wasn't much on other than Jerry Springer or soap operas. This was why he worked during the day; TV sucked. He looked over at his vampire and smiled. Spike was reading through a copy of Rolling Stone and listening to the CD player. He was singing along softly to some old Queen song.
Xander smiled and turned off the TV, he'd rather listen to Spike sing over Jerry's guests' bitching and moaning any day. Surprisingly, Spike had a really nice singing voice. He sounded good - when he wasn't screeching along to Sid Vicious. If Xander had any say, Spike would listen to Queen more often; they had some good songs, and he liked to hear Spike sing.
There was a knock at the door and Xander got up to answer it. Xander and Spike were the only ones who knew they were here so he wasn't worried. He swung the door open and gasped at what he saw.
"Dawn! Jesus Christ! What happened?"
Xander pulled Dawn into the room and Spike stood up and came over to join them.
"Willow, she went crazy. She found out about Xander and Spike and about Tara... Why didn't you guys tell me? Anyway, she flipped out. She tried to stake Spike, Xander stopped her and Spike took off, but she's looking for him, probably you guys too."
Spike fished his ring out of his jeans and put it on. He wasn't taking any chances - not with a crazy witch on the loose. He went to the bathroom and got Dawn a glass of water while Xander settled her into a chair and tried to calm her down.
"Where is Xander? And why are you here?"
"He went after Willow; he told me to come to you, that he trusted you to watch out for me."
Spike handed Dawn the glass and she thanked him. She sipped the water and waited. Eventually, Xander must have come to a decision because he stood up and headed for his jacket.
"Where did they go?"
"Tara said she had a cousin in L.A., she told Xander she would be there until she could get transferred to UCLA."
"Stay here. Don't open the door for anyone but me or Spike. Either version."
Dawn nodded and then realised what was happening.
"You're going after her. What about Spike? It's still daytime?"
Spike gave her a gentle smile. She was a good kid, and he could see why his other self and both Xanders loved her.
"Don't worry 'bout me pet. My Xander takes real good care of me, he does. Made me sunproof, he did."
Spike winked at her before opening the door and stepping outside. Dawn gaped in shock before turning on Xander.
"You... How?"
"It's a secret, and it has to stay that way. At least until we're gone. Let's just say one version of me was a warlock, and he did me a few favours."
"Be careful."
"We will. If I don't see you again before we leave, it was nice spending time with you, I have really missed you."
Dawn hugged Xander goodbye and then watched from the window as he climbed on the motorbike behind Spike and they drove away. She was still scared about what Willow might do, that was why she picked up the phone and dialed Giles in England.
Halfway to L.A. they pulled into a rest stop to get gas and use the bathroom - at least Xander used the bathroom. Just before heading back out onto the highway, Spike asked Xander if he had any idea where to start looking for Tara in L.A.
"Nope. Figured we'd pop in on Angel. He's 'The Great Mousse Detective' these days. See if he can find her."
"Yeah, if he don't try to stake me first. This version of me don't get on too well with the poof."
"Yeah well, Deadboy tries anything, he'll be in an ashtray."
Xander kissed Spike and then they headed back out. They'd be in L.A. in just over an hour, maybe less the way Spike drove. He had to wonder why the hell he was getting involved in this. If not for the fact that he was the one to bring up the possible spell use in the first place, he'd have just looked after Dawn and left the rest up to Xander. He wondered if the other Spike was on his way to L.A. as well.
Just as they pulled up in front of the Hyperion and were getting off the bike, they heard a car squeal around the corner before it pulled up alongside them. Xander and Spike both groaned in realisation - Spike. There was no mistaking the DeSoto; the blacked out windows were a dead give away.
"So much for keeping my secret, eh luv?"
"No matter, he'll have to go through me to get it. You he can hurt, me... not so much."
The passenger side window rolled down about an inch, and over the sound of The Sex Pistols they distinctly heard Spike holler.
"One of you bleedin' gits want to get the bloody door? Don't fancy catching fire, ta very much."
Xander shook his head and he and Spike headed for the front door of the hotel. They held it open and watched as Spike - duster over his head - flew past them and into the lobby of the hotel.
"Well, that settles the problem of trying to stake you."
"We'll see."
Xander - followed by Spike, entered the hotel and were not at all surprised to see Spike standing in the lobby with both Cordy and Wesley pointing crossbows at him. This was the reception they were expecting. Spike was too, by the look on his face.
"Fer Christ's sake, princess! Just get the poof, would ya?"
Xander looked from Cordy to Spike to Wesley, back to Spike, and then cleared his throat.
"Er, hi guys. Angel around?"
Part Forty Xander had just finished explaining - for the second time - why he was here in L.A., with two Spikes. Cordy wouldn't even get Angel until Xander explained it to her and Wesley first. Meanwhile, blonde Spike was slowly going out of his mind.
"So Willow is crazy? And here in L.A.?"
"Basically, yeah. She's let the magic overcome her; she wants Tara back and she won't stop until she has her. The other me is here somewhere already, but we don't know where Tara's cousin lives - that's where you come in."
Angel sighed and nodded his head. Having Willow here in L.A. - in this condition - was not good. No doubt Wolfram and Hart would just love to get a hold of someone as powerful as she.
"Cordy, get on the net and see what you can find. Wes, start looking for a spell or something to bind her or drain her powers - something. I'll go ask around if anyone matching her description has been seen in L.A. Spike... er, blonde Spike, you're with me. Xander? You and... Spike... wait here."
Angel could be heard muttering about the redemption points he should be earning having two Spikes in his hotel as he walked away. Xander and brunette Spike smiled at each other and than went to see if they could do anything to help.
After being glared at by Cordelia, they decided Wes was a better option and offered to research the books with him. After he got over the initial shock of being offered help by William the Bloody, he was thankful for the assistance.
After about an hour of searching through musty old books, the front door of the hotel burst open and Xander and Tara walked into the lobby. Wesley couldn't help but be intrigued by the similarities and differences of the two Xanders; other than their clothing and the length of their hair, they looked exactly the same. Cordy just rolled her eyes.
"Great. I suppose Willow the wicked witch will be coming here now. Thanks Xan, I haven't been in a life-threatening situation all week. I was beginning to actually feel safe here in L.A. What was I thinking?"
"Where's Angel?"
"He took Spike out to shake down some informants. The other two of you, are helping Wesley research."
No sooner did Cordy finish speaking then all hell broke loose. Angel and Spike came back in through the kitchen just as the front doors blew off their hinges and a very pissed off Willow floated through the entryway. Xander grabbed his Spike and they ducked under the table. Wesley began chanting a spell, only to have Willow fling her magic at him and knock him across the room.
"This isn't looking promising, pet."
"No kidding."
Xander heard Cordelia yell 'Giles! Thank God!' just before the world began to spin.
When Xander next opened his eyes, he knew that he and Spike had shifted again. Not only was it quiet, but the hotel was dark and empty. He wondered if anyone even lived here in this reality.
"Spike?"
"Yeah, luv?"
"This place is empty."
Spike cocked his head and listened. He sniffed the air and then looked around. With a frown on his face he stood up and then reached for Xander. After pulling him to his feet he held him still and leaned in to whisper in his ear.
"Angel is here, luv. I can sense him. No one else though, no human scents in the building at all. Not fresh ones anyhow."
"You think he's Angelus again?"
"Don't rightly know; don't care to find out either. Let's grab our gear and get the hell out of this place, yeah?"
"Okay."
They were just about to the door when Xander was tackled by a snarling, vamped-out Angel. He barely had time to register the attack before Spike grabbed the other vampire and flung him away. The two vampires stood growling at each other and then Angel's demon face melted away to reveal a shocked expression.
"William? How... It can't be. Am I hallucinating?"
Spike let his game face subside as well, but he stood his ground in front of Angel, keeping Xander behind him and out of reach. Xander slowly got to his feet and put his hand on Spike's shoulder.
"Angel or Angelus?"
He whispered into Spike's ear. Spike shrugged his shoulders and then repeated the question to his Sire.
"I'm not evil, Wil. How is it you? Are you from the past?"
Spike laughed, a short, bitter sound.
"Hardly, mate. But I'm not from your world either. What's the idea attacking my Xander if you're not evil?"
Angel stepped back in shock, his eyes widened almost comically.
"Xander?"
Xander peeked over Spike's shoulder at Angel and gave him a weak smile. He still didn't trust him not to attack him again.
"Hey, Deadboy."
"You're alive! Really alive, not a vampire, not dust. How?"
"Um, long story. Really long story."
Before anyone could answer, there was an ear-splitting wail from the upper level of the hotel. Angel took off at a run toward it and left Spike and Xander standing slack-jawed in the lobby. They both recognised the sound of the voice - Spike.
Part Forty-One The scene that awaited them upstairs was enough to send Spike back into his own mind for protection. Xander barely caught him as he collapsed in on himself.
Spike, or what resembled Spike, was staring wide-eyed at nothing, screaming, and rocking back and forth. It was the straightjacket that really threw Xander for a loop. He wanted to know what the hell was wrong with him, what Angel had done to him. But his first priority was the vampire in his arms.
Angel whipped his head around as Spike's wails increased in volume and he began to thrash about in his restraints. Xander saw the golden eyes, the feral expression - directed at him - and knew that this was not Angel's doing. Angel was trying to help Spike; the restraints were likely for Spike's own good.
"Leave. Now. You're making him worse."
"Okay, I'm gone - we're gone."
Xander lifted Spike into his arms and began walking away. He didn't want to be the cause of that Spike's distress, and he had other things to deal with right now. He was at the bottom of the stairs when Angel reached out and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"I'm sorry. He doesn't react well to humans. Especially men. Can we meet later? There's a coffee shop around the corner, about an hour?"
"Okay. If I'm not there, wait for me. Spike needs me right now."
"What happened to him?"
"Long story. Later, eh?"
Xander managed to get Spike and the motorbike outside. He went back in for their bags and then carefully drove them to the closest hotel. He was nowhere near as good on the bike as Spike was, but he managed fairly well for a guy with only two lessons and a practically comatose vampire strapped to his back.
The hotel was not one of the nicest places he'd ever stayed in but the bedding was clean and there were no mildew monsters in the bathroom, so it would do.
Xander led Spike inside and laid him gently on the bed. He then drew a hot bath before coming back and clinically undressing his lover and carrying him into the bathroom. Xander lowered them both into the water and held Spike to his chest, gently wetting him down and beginning to wash him.
About halfway through, Spike began to come around again. He started at first, then realised that Xander was with him. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sudden barrage of images his mind was spitting at him. He didn't want to relive this; he wasn't strong enough to go through it again. Not yet anyway.
Spike turned his head more and burrowed into Xander's chest. He felt strong arms wrap around him, gentle kisses were pressed into his hair and soothing sounds were whispered into his ear. He felt safe here, only here, only with Xander.
Xander felt Spike begin to shudder before the first icy tears hit his warm skin. Spike was crying. Xander had no idea what to do for him; he could only continue to hold him, to offer comfort and soft words of assurance.
"Xander."
A pitiful whisper of his name. It made his chest constrict. He hated hearing Spike so hurt, so broken. He once again hated leaving Riley Finn in one piece. If he could go back, he would tear him apart with his bare hands.
"I'm here, love. I'll always be here."
Xander's arms tightened as Spike began to cry in earnest. Harsh, broken sounds followed by a high keening wail that spoke volumes about his state of mind. Seeing the other Spike, the way he looked, must have brought all Spike's repressed memories to the fore.
Eventually the sobbing tapered off, the water turned cool, and they had no choice but to abandon their safe-haven in the bathtub. Xander dried them both and once again scooped Spike into his arms. He tucked him into the bed and kissed him gently.
"I'm going out for a bit. I told Angel I'd meet him to talk, you should stay here and rest. I won't be long."
Xander got dressed under the watchful eye of his lover. Once he was finished dressing he sat down on the bed beside Spike again and kissed him.
"I'll be at the coffee shop around the corner from Angel's hotel. It's not far from here. I'll stay if you need me."
Spike gave him a gentle smile.
"S'okay luv, you go talk to Angel. I could use the time alone. Sort my head out."
Xander nodded and headed for the door. He picked up his jacket and was just stepping out the door when Spike called out to him.
"Xander?"
So hesitant, so unsure.
"You are coming back? Right?"
Xander was back inside and had Spike in his arms in an instant. He held him tightly and felt his eyes fill with unshed tears. That Spike felt he needed to ask that, it broke his heart.
"Of course I am. Spike, I'm always going to come back to you. I... I love you."
Xander felt the body in his arms sag with relief so he said it again.
"I love you, Spike. I'll always come back."
Arms like steel bands crushed him to the vampire's chest. The tears spilled freely down his cheeks and a soft voice replied in kind.
"I love you too, Xander, I love you too."
Part Forty-Two Christ I love you. You always seem to know what I want, what I need. Tonight, I needed to hear that you loved me, that I was worth being loved. You gave me that, a sense of worth. I hate being weak, being needy, but I feel safe with you, safe enough to cry in your arms and not feel ashamed for having done it. Only felt that way one other time in my life, and that was before I was turned, and I was just a child then.
Never trusted anyone since I was turned, I couldn't. Demons just aren't a trustworthy lot. Look at my Sires; Angelus fucked off on me, and Dru kept lifting her skirts for anything with or without a pulse - horns and slime only made it more enticing. Never knew a human I wanted to trust, not until you.
Seeing that other me tonight, fuck. I lost it, went inside myself to escape. He's me; about four months maybe after you found me. He's what I would be if not for you. I can see it in his eyes, smell it in his scent. He reeks of them, Finn, and his boys. I'm surprised Angel can't smell it, maybe he can.
I don't want to think about the past, remember the pain, the humiliation and feeling of hopelessness. I may be a soulless demon, luv, but those humans could give the devil himself lessons in torture. I wonder why Angel hasn't put the poor bugger down? He should. Death would be a release, I know, I craved it myself and I wasn't near as bad off as he is. Poof better hope I don't get a minute alone with him, I will stake him. He wants it; it's all he wants now. Just an end to the pain.
I'm afraid to close my eyes, I can feel them in my head, they want to hurt me, break me, use me up and leave me torn and bleeding. It was a game to them, you know. It was never about training me, like he said to you. Undead houseboys, yeah, right.
You know they skinned me once? Peeled me like a fucking apple. I screamed, I'll admit. Wouldn't you? One long strip from shoulder to wrist, both sides. Then my legs, ankle to thigh. They laughed while they did it; couple of 'em even jerked off onto my skinless chest and back once it was all finished. I could still smell them, under my skin when it grew back. I had to cut it off again myself to wash away the filth. Wasn't easy, I couldn't reach my back, I ended up pouring holy water on it to burn the skin away.
Shouldn't have told you that. Too much for you to have to bear. You'll think I'm crazy, barmy as Dru. Might be - for all I know, I am sitting in Angel's hotel, wearing a straightjacket and hallucinating that this is all real.
Oh. Fuck. Shouldn't have even let myself think that. Shit, Xander. Come back. I need to see you, need to know I'm not crazy. You can take me, fuck me, anything, just let me know you're real. I can't do this if you're not real.
What if I'm still in Sunnyhell? Tied down somewhere with that bastard Finn rearranging my innards? Wouldn't be a first, carve me open, take something out, put it back in wrong. Just to see if it would fix itself. 'Course, only way to know for sure was to cut me open again in a day or two.
What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Yeah, I killed people, I'm a vampire, damn it. They were my food. I didn't torture them, didn't shred them into tiny little pieces just for fun. I was never this cruel, this heartless. And I'm a soulless monster. What does that say for the soul-having community at large? When a monster shows more compassion than they do?
Xander, come home. Back to the hotel, back to me. Please. Oh God, please. I want you. I need you so badly. Too scared to go find you, don't know this place yet, he could be out there, waiting for me. Need you, love, need you so bloody bad.
I can feel the hopelessness welling up inside me again. I've been lost for so long, love. So long that I can hardly believe I'm not anymore. I'm not, right? This is real? You. And me. You and me? Oh fuck, Xander, hurry back, hurry love. I need you. Scared, so bloody scared without you.
Xander sat impatiently waiting for Angel to show up. He wanted to go back to Spike, hold him in his arms and just be with him. This was nuts. He was sitting in a coffee shop waiting for Deadboy when his lover was alone in a strange place. Xander laid a bill down on the table and got up to leave.
Angel caught Xander just as he was going out the door. He offered to walk him back to his hotel, they could talk on the way. Xander nodded and headed out into the night.
"So, what's the deal with Spike? Who the hell did that to him?"
"I don't know. You brought him to me and... well, I guess it wasn't you, he was Xander - but a vampire. He was Spike's childe. He died in the lobby of the hotel. An arrow; the man who shot him died just after firing it."
"Okay, so vamp-me brings Spike to you, bites the big one in your hotel lobby and you have no idea who made Spike nuts?"
"Basically. He was like that when his childe carried him in."
"Have you asked him?"
"Of course! He just... he doesn't speak. He screams, he cries, and he wails. He doesn't speak. He's tried to kill himself, he's clawed himself bloody; I had to restrain him to keep him from harming himself."
Xander really didn't want to know this; he didn't want to see what his Spike could have been. He knew, deep in his soul, he knew it was Riley. Who else could it have been?
"Angel, the man that killed my vamp-self. What did he look like? Anything in particular you can remember?"
"He was about your age, maybe a few years older. He was Caucasian, short hair - brush cut actually, other than that no."
Xander shook his head. It didn't sound like Riley, but it certainly fit the profile of a soldier.
"When's the last time you talked to Buffy? Do you know anything about the Initiative?"
"I know that Spike was captured, they chipped him and then he escaped. Buffy was sure that Xander had come for him and they had left together. Why?"
"Because, if I'm right, and I know I am. Riley Finn, Buffy's boyfriend, is responsible for Spike. He had my Spike before I rescued him, well we rescued him. The Angel from his world helped me get him out of Sunnydale and away from Riley."
Xander could feel the shock and anger pouring off of Angel in waves. He was glad he wasn't Riley Finn about now. It would serve the bastard right, let him meet Angelus one-on-one. Only thing was, Xander wanted a piece of him for himself. If he couldn't kill the bastard that had hurt his lover, then the next best thing would have to do.
"When you find him, don't kill him right away. I don't know how long Spike and I have in this reality but I want a piece of that bastard. You come and get me once he's secure."
"Xander..."
"No, Angel. Please, don't deny me my revenge. I need this... Spike needs this. Please."
"Alright. Just, what the hell did they do to my childe?"
"Everything you can imagine, and then a few things you couldn't. And Angel? I've met Angelus, so I know what you can imagine."
Angel's demon came to the fore, and Xander knew he was dealing with Angelus now. He stood his ground and looked the demon straight in the eye.
"I will allow you revenge, but his death belongs to me."
"Fair enough."
Angel's face smoothed out and they nodded to one another in understanding. Xander reached his door and turned back to the dark-haired vampire.
"Angel? Make sure Spike knows that he's safe, that you won't let Riley or the Initiative near him again."
"I will. Thank you, Xander."
Angel turned and headed back to his hotel. He had a lot to do before leaving for Sunnydale. By the end of the night, Riley Finn would be his. He was even looking forward to this. No one messed with his family.
Xander watched Angel walk away; he was looking forward to getting a little payback for Spike, a little justice, a little vengeance. And thanks to his countless hours listening to Anya rattle on about her demon days, he knew a lot more about how to hurt a man without killing him then he had ever wanted to. Until now, now he would put that knowledge to use.
Spike heard the key in the lock and opened his eyes; he trained his sights on the door, willing Xander to walk in and save him from his own traitorous thoughts. He needed to hold him, touch him, taste him. He had to know this was real, not some imaginary fantasy he had cooked up inside his own mind.
The doorknob turned and Spike tensed. He was coiled like a panther, waiting to strike. If it were anyone but his Xander, he was ready to flee. But if it was Xander, then he was ready to pounce, to feel him in his arms, to kiss him, to touch him, to take him.
"Hey, Spike. You awa..."
Xander's words were lost under the onslaught of about one hundred and forty pounds of vampire barrelling at his chest. He fell to the floor with an oomph, before his mouth was taken in a possessive kiss.
Spike's hands were everywhere, pulling at his clothes, tearing the fabric in his haste. Xander gave himself over completely to the whims of his very determined lover and let him shred his coverings until they were skin to skin.
"Xander."
Moaned into his neck.
"My Xander. Love you; love you, sweet boy. My boy."
Kisses were peppered along his throat up to his ear. Xander groaned as Spike sucked the soft lobe into his mouth and bit down on it gently. He pulled Spike's face to his own and kissed him deeply.
"Love you too, Spike. Always."
The bed was only a few feet away but it was a few feet too many, Spike refused to give up possession of his lover's body even for the seconds it would take to get up and stumble across the room. With desperation and determination, he flipped Xander onto his belly and then pulled him up to his knees.
"Spike, what are you... ahhh!"
Spike pulled Xander's cheeks apart and began loosening him with his tongue. He had no patience or desire to dig through their stuff to find the lube. Besides, Xander seemed to be enjoying this now anyway - at least by the sounds he was making.
"God, Spike. Holy fuck, never knew. Never knew it felt like this. Shit, more please, please, please."
Spike reached around Xander and shoved three of his fingers into the babbling human's mouth. Once they were good and wet he replaced his tongue with his fingers and began scissoring them apart. He spat into his other hand and liberally coated his shaft. Once he was certain that Xander was ready, he pulled his fingers out and flipped Xander onto his back again before slamming inside him.
"Wanted to see you love, watch you as I make love to you. My Xander, mine."
"Yours, Spike. All yours. Love you."
Spike sealed their mouths together and poured everything he had into that kiss. He used his entire body to make Xander understand the depths of his feelings for him, the overwhelming need and devotion he felt for him. He wanted Xander to know that he loved him more than anything, or anyone. That his was a love for the ages, forever to him meant forever.
"Love you Xander, forever. Forever, mine. My boy."
"Yes, Gods yes. Yours Spike, always yours."
And then they were cumming, together in love, always in love.
Part Forty-Three
Angel parked the car in the underground parking and turned off the ignition. He slowly walked to the back of the car, enjoying the scent of fear he could detect even through the layer of metal that separated him from his prey. He would not bring this filth inside his home, but he wasn't taking any chances that he would suffocate down here in the car's trunk. No, that would be too easy. Not a fitting punishment for a man who had broken one of the strongest beings Angel had ever known. No, if Angel had his way, it would take weeks, months even, for the bastard to die.
Riley was unceremoniously dragged out of the car and flung into the far corner of the garage. Angel approached him slowly, relishing the look of fear and utter horror on his face. Oh yeah, he could feel his demon's glee and welcomed it as his own. This snivelling human had dared touch what was his, had raped and defiled him in the most horrendous fashion. He recognised the man's scent all over his childe now that he was familiar with its source.
The first of the chains that Angel had left there in preparation was looped around Riley’s legs and then secured with a heavy iron lock. The next set fastened his arms behind his back. A third set was used to immobilize his torso. He was then gagged. The blindfold came last - but not until after he had seen the true face of the man who now held him prisoner. That face and the whisper of a single word in his ear had him wetting his trousers in fear.
"Spike."
That was all Angel said. It was all he needed to say. Riley now knew why he had been abducted, and what he had been abducted by. He was at the non-existent mercy of this hostile over acts that he had performed on another. All his years of study had shown that vampires held no loyalty to one another, no filial associations. He just assumed that he would never be made to pay for his actions, that he would never be caught. Boy was he wrong.
Angel whistled as he took the elevator up to his floor. He stopped by his room to shower and change clothes before checking in on his childe. He didn't want to go in there smelling of the man who had tortured Spike. Once he was free of Finn's scent he made his way quickly down the hall to Spike's room.
The blonde was still out. The drugs seemed to help him to get much-needed rest, but Angel hated to have to administer them. He knew how much Spike hated not being in control so he only used them when the situation was desperate. And tonight it had been. Xander and the other Spike showing up had sent Spike into a blind panic. There hadn't been a human in the hotel for weeks now, not since he'd sent his friends away in favour of looking after his childe.
They thought he was nuts, but they could never understand the bond that the vampires shared. Theirs was a chosen bond. Dru had turned William, but William had chosen Angelus to be his sire and mentor. Their exchange of blood and fealty had been voluntary on both sides. Not something to be taken lightly. Angel had betrayed that bond when his soul was returned; he would not betray it now.
The cool, soothing motions of Angel’s fingers cording through his hair brought Spike out of his stupor. His eyes were still vacant, but they were open now. Angel took a deep calming breath and then lay down on the bed beside Spike so that they were facing one another.
"I know Wil. I know what has happened to you, what was done. I will avenge you."
There was no sign that Spike had heard or understood anything Angel said. The older vampire closed his eyes - not wanting the younger man to see his pain reflected in them. He took a risk, said out loud the one thing that might possibly gain him a reaction.
"Riley Finn."
Spike's eyes widened and he began to tremble, then he wailed. A long broken sound that seemed to go on and on. Angel wept with him, for him. He held the shaking form to his chest and tried to make it better. He spoke of how he had gone to Sunnydale and captured the hapless soldier. Of how he had beaten him bloody and trussed him up before tossing him in the trunk. How even now he was chained up blind and mute in the underground park, and how come sunset, he was going to bring Spike down to watch his torture.
The wailing quieted and the form in his arms grew still. Angel wasn't sure if it was because Spike had shut down again or if he had taken comfort from his vow of revenge. He was afraid to look and see, so he didn't. He scratched a sharp nail into the flesh of his throat and pulled Spike's unresisting head toward the wound. He hoped his blood would help to heal him, but he'd been feeding him as often as his body would allow and so far it hadn't done a thing.
As he felt Spike suckling at the wound he began a low rumbling purr in his chest. It was one of the only things he knew without a doubt calmed his childe. Only a sire's purr could induce this level of tranquility in a childe. It was something Spike loved to hear and feel, something Angelus had learned long ago.
You look like an angel when you sleep. All soft and pure, innocent-like. I wonder how you could possibly love me, how you could see anything of worth in this broken vessel. But you do, you do and it amazes me. I can feel your love like a tangible thing, like I can reach out and touch it. It makes me want to shout out to the world that I, William the Bloody, am the luckiest demon to ever walk God's green earth because I am loved by the purest soul I've ever known.
I wish I could tell you how much I love you, Xander. I just don't have the words. For a former poet, that's pretty lame isn't it? Then again, I never claimed to be a good poet, now did I? Since I don't have the words, I'll have to prove mself by my actions. That, I've always been good at. I'll show you love, with every touch, with every kiss, that I love you. That you are the only thing in this world - the next world, or the next thousand worlds we visit that matters. You, Xander, are my everything.
Christ! I sound like a soppy git. I just read over what I wrote, and while I can't say it isn't true, it isn't exactly flattering to the old image now is it? Then again, I don't exactly have an image anymore do I? I look like William, who looked just like any other poor sod off the street.
Fuck, I want to kiss you. I look at you, all warm and alive, your mouth is slack in sleep and if I lean in I can feel your breath on my face. I want to press my lips to yours, have that sweet mouth open under mine and invite me in. I want to feel your tongue as it tangles with my own, twisting around inside my mouth. I want to tangle my hands into your hair and pull you impossibly closer as I deepen our kiss, hear you moan into my mouth, feel it vibrate through my entire being.
Damn you can kiss, luv. I ever tell you that? I don't know who you practised on, but I'm torn between wanting to tear out their throat for ever having been touched by you in that fashion and thanking them for giving you the experience. You're the only person who's ever made me hard from just a kiss, Xander. The only one who ever kissed me like I mattered.
I'm giving you two minutes, luv. Two minutes to wake up on your own. After that it's 'all bets are off' and I kiss you whether you're awake or not. I'm going out of my mind just sitting here and watching you, hearing you, and not touching you, tasting you. I need you, Xander; I need to be in your arms. I need to be in your heart, your mind, your body and soul. I need you to wake up before I go completely insane!
Spike quietly closed his book and slid it back into his coat before dropping the coat onto the floor. He leaned over Xander and gently pressed his mouth against that of his lover’s. It was just the barest of kisses, a mere brushing of lips. He waited to see if it was enough to wake his sleeping beauty. He snorted quietly at the look of outrage he could picture on his lover's face if he ever called him that to his face.
"Xander, wake up love. I need you."
Spike whispered softly in Xander's ear and smiled when the man under him struggled to comply with his wishes and one eye opened blearily. Spike swooped in and kissed him again, not much more of a kiss than the last one. Short, sweet and enough to get the other eye to open.
"Spike? You okay?"
"Am now, pet."
Spike leaned in and kissed Xander again; this time he took his time to really feel the soft, warm lips beneath his. He trailed the tip of his tongue along the slightly protruding lower lip and then delved inside when his lover's lips parted beneath his.
Xander moaned into the kiss. This was unexpected but not necessarily a bad way to wake up. Spike's kisses were always good, but this one was so full of feeling that Xander thought he might just burst from the intensity of it.
"Love you."
The vampire broke away to allow his human lover to breathe. He trailed soft, wet kisses up the column of his throat to his ear and then began tracing the shell with his tongue.
"Mmm, love you too, Spike. Oh God! Do that again?"
Spike chuckled and gently nibbled on Xander's earlobe as requested. There was nothing he wouldn't do for this man, no price he wouldn't pay. If Xander asked him to take a stake through the chest, he'd do it without blinking an eye. Of course he knew that his lover would never ask that of him, but the sentiment was true nonetheless.
"Want you love. Can I?"
"Yes, please. Anything, everything."
"Anything love? You trust me that much?"
"Yes. I love you, I trust you. Touch me? Please?"
Spike kissed Xander hard. He knew what he wanted, what he needed. He just wasn't sure he could do it. He reached for the lube on the bedside table and with trembling fingers he flipped open the lid and squeezed some out onto his fingers. He stroked those fingers over his opening and then slowly pushed one inside.
Xander opened his eyes and started in alarm. Surely Spike couldn't mean to do this. Not when he had been so hurt by this in the past. It didn't make sense. Did he feel like he had to? That Xander expected it?
"Spike, no. Not that; you don't have to."
Spike pressed another finger inside himself and smiled at his lover's concern.
"Yes, I do. I won't let what happened control the rest of my life; I need to do this, Xan. Will you let me?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then yes. What do I need to do?"
"Just lay back and let me have control. I need to have control this time."
"Okay, whatever you need. I love you."
"Thank you, Xander. I love you too."
Spike finished preparing himself and slicked Xander's cock as well. He shuffled forward on his knees until he was in position and slowly lowered himself onto his lover's thick manhood. He watched as Xander's eyes dilated with pleasure and he trembled under the force he was exerting to keep still. Spike appreciated the effort.
"Keep your eyes open, love. I need to see you watching me. Need to see the love in your eyes."
Xander nodded and tried to convey his feelings for his lover in a look. Spike must have understood because he smiled so brightly it could have lit up the room.
"So beautiful. Can I touch you?"
A question asked with a small amount of trepidation.
"Please?"
Spike nodded his permission and Xander placed one hand gently on his hip. Spike took a deep breath and began to move. The hand on his hip tightened and Xander shook beneath him. Spike rose up and lowered himself again and again, angling himself for the perfect position. When he found it, he cried out Xander's name and began to move faster. He moved the warm hand from his hip and placed it around his swollen flesh and groaned at the heat.
Xander caught on to Spike's rhythm quickly and stroked the vampire's cock in time to his up-and-down movements. He was so close to cumming but he was determined to hold back, to see Spike's pleasure before taking his own.
Spike closed his eyes briefly and when they opened again the blue had been replaced by yellow; ridges began to form on his brow and his teeth grew longer and sharper. Xander was fascinated by the look of pure unadulterated love that was shown on the demon's face. He knew that he would never see this face again without picturing it the way it looked right now. Full of love and looking straight at him.
"Spike, fuck! So fucking gorgeous."
"Xander, love you."
And then Spike was cumming. His head thrown back, eyes wide and unseeing. His muscles rippling and tightening around Xander's cock almost painfully, his cum shooting up over Xander's fist to land on his chest and his face. Xander licked a few stray droplets off his lips and then lost himself to his own release.
Shuddering and spent, they curled up together, Spike's head on Xander's chest, his heartbeat pounding in his ear. It was perfect. He had never felt as complete as he did now. Xander's love had washed away the foulness that had been implanted in his body. He finally felt clean again.
Part Forty-Four
That thought spurred him out of bed and he reached for the phone on the on the table in the corner. He scrubbed his face as he cradled the receiver between his ear and shoulder.
"Hello?"
"I have him. Be here at sundown."
"Angel?"
"In a fashion."
"Angelus?"
"Possibly. Don't really know who I am these days, does it really matter? You want revenge and I'm offering it to you."
"Right. We'll be there. Thank you."
"No, thank you, Xander. Without you I would never have known who hurt my childe, I wouldn't have known who to exact payment from."
"We'll call it even then. See you soon."
Xander hung up the phone and turned around to see clear blue eyes watching him intently. He hadn't had a chance to tell Spike about his little chat with Angel/us last night; now was looking like a good time though.
"Guess you want to know what that's all about, huh?"
"Would be nice, yeah."
The next several minutes were spent replaying his conversation from the night before, adding in what the vampire had just told him over the phone.
"Bloody hell, the ole sire's really coming through on this one, ain't he?"
"Oh yeah. Had a nice little face-to-face with Angelus last night, and I'm not sure who the hell I was just on the phone with. Either way, doesn't matter. That bastard is going to pay."
"I want to watch. I understand if you can't deal with it, but I need to see what Angelus does to him; I need to hear his screams."
Xander nodded his understanding. This was why he had asked for a chance at revenge in the first place. It was the closest thing he could get to the man who had hurt his lover. But there was no way he was staying away.
"I'm going. I need to be there too. If for no other reason, than because you might need me, but I want vengeance on that bastard and Angel has given me permission to take it. You tell me what you want, I'll do it."
Spike could hardly believe what he was hearing. Xander was going to make Riley pay - for him. The fact that it wasn't the same Riley Finn that had done those things to him didn't make a difference to him. They were all the same, just made by different choices in their lives.
"No, pet. I can't let you do this. Not for me."
"What? What do you mean you can't let me? I'm going to, I need to, Spike. I want to. I look at that other Spike and I see what you could have been. I hate him, I want to fucking destroy him. If there was a way to go back, I'd rip that bastard who touched you to pieces with my bare hands."
Spike revelled in the absolute anger and rage pouring off his lover, knowing it was all for him, that Xander was this angry because he loved him so much. So much that he was willing to repay in kind what had happened to him. He wanted to take the higher ground on this - tell Xander not to tarnish his soul for him, but he wanted so badly to see his lover bloody that useless piece of shit. He wanted to see Finn broken and bleeding, hurting because he decreed it. He knew what he wanted to ask from his lover, but it might be too much to ask from him.
"Xander, I know what I want. What I want you to do to him - for me."
"Anything. Well, I can't kill him, Angel said he wanted that privilege."
"S'okay, not what I wanted you to do anyway. I want his balls luv, I want to watch as you make him eat them."
Spike had vamped out as he said this, his remembered pain and humiliation showing clearly even on his demonic visage. Xander had to force down the bile that rose in his throat. He knew full well that his lover’s request was deeply personal - that he had likely been forced to commit just such an act himself. It only made him want to do it that much more.
"Gladly."
The next couple of hours were spent quietly comforting one another with soft kisses and whispered words of love and acceptance. Xander didn't ask about Spike's time in Sunnydale, and Spike didn't offer any explanations either. Eventually it was close to sundown and they headed out to the Hyperion. Both more than ready to do this.
Angel met them in the lobby and directed them to go down to the garage. He told them he would join them shortly, that he needed to get Spike first. Xander nodded his understanding and led his very subdued lover into the elevator. He knew that Spike was trying to be brave for him, not wanting to let the fear of seeing Riley again show on his face.
When the elevator stopped, they got off. Before Spike could get any further into the parking garage Xander pulled him close and kissed him.
"Remember, this is about making you feel better. If you don't want this, we leave."
"I know, and I do want this. I'm just a bit... apprehensive? I mean I know Angelus - Angel - whatever, has him restrained. I just can't help the reaction."
Xander gave him a reassuring squeeze.
"I understand, but remember you're not alone in this. I'm here."
"I know luv, and it means everything to me that you are."
Hand in hand the two walked into the darkened underground car park. They followed the sounds of harsh breathing and pitiful whimpering noises until they found the bound and helpless form of Riley Finn. Not far away was a table, on it were a varied assortment of instruments - most of which Xander didn't recognise, but by the look on Spike's face - the vampire did.
Spike lit the fire on the small hibachi and placed an assortment of knives and other sharp things into the flames to heat. Xander watched as his lover moved around the table, touching the various items, his eyes darting between them and the man they would soon be used on.
Riley was still blindfolded and gagged. He knew he was no longer alone, but he had no idea who or what was with him. He wanted to see who was there, but at the same time knew that it was probably better that he didn't. He'd much rather face his death blindly than to look into the face of the monster who had taken him, and see the pleasure in his eyes.
Moments later, Angel arrived pushing a wheelchair-bound Spike in front of him. Both Xander and the brunette Spike took in the situation with a mixture of shock and horror. Angel was quick to alleviate their fears.
"He can walk, he's not physically damaged. He just doesn't."
That didn't really help to help to make either man feel better. The feeling only got worse as Spike began to moan and cringe back into his chair, his eyes clenched shut tightly. Angel crouched in front of him and spoke softly.
"Will, it's okay. We talked about this remember? That's Xander, not your childe but his human double. The other one is you, a different version of you. They're from a different reality. Do you remember?"
All three waited to see what would happen next. Angel smiled as Spike opened his eyes and looked at him.
"That's right, Will. You do remember now, don't you? I brought you here to watch as I avenge your humiliation at the hands of that human. He cannot hurt you, not now, and not ever again. You will witness his death at my hands. Do you understand that?"
A blink and then Spike closed his eyes for several seconds before opening them and darting a quick look at Xander and then at the dark-haired version of himself before finally glancing at the bound man on the floor and whimpering in fear.
Angel turned Spike’s attention back to him and gently stroked his fingers through his childe’s hair. After several minutes of this, Spike stopped whimpering and Angel stood.
"Xander, would you help me?"
"Uh, sure. With what?"
Angel smiled a truly scary smile and hoisted Riley to his feet before pointing to a set of rings in the concrete wall. Xander got the idea and quickly helped to fasten Riley to the wall.
"Alright, Xander. You have my permission; take your revenge."
Part Forty-Five
Xander picked up a sharp knife from the table and under the watchful eyes of the three vampires, cut away Riley's clothing - leaving him naked, gagged and blindfolded. He looked to Angel for permission before removing the blindfold. He wanted Spike to see the fear in Riley's eyes as he took in what was about to happen to him.
Riley refused to open his eyes. It pissed Xander off, so he slapped him - hard - across the face. When that didn't work, Xander simply pried his eyelids open and then watched in satisfaction as Riley saw both Spikes and Angel - in game face - watching.
"Keep them open, Farmboy. Otherwise I'll cut them out."
Riley shook with fear but did as instructed. He watched as this human - and he was sure that this man was human - walked calmly toward one of the vampires and kissed him before lifting a knife from the flames and coming back toward him. He screamed behind his gag as a warm hand grasped his testicles and pulled them harshly away from his body before the other hand brought the red-hot blade to his skin.
The smell of burnt flesh was thick in the air; the bound and helpless man thrashed in agony against his restraints, his eyes rolling back in his head as he passed out from the pain.
Xander turned around and saw the approving look Angel gave him and smiled. He apparently met Angelus' approval. The fact that this pleased him should have scared the living hell out of him, but in this circumstance it seemed fitting.
"Got something I can put these in?"
Angel handed him a small dish and Xander put the soldier’s bloody testicles into it. He then turned to his lover and looked at him, waiting for his response. Spike stepped up to him and kissed him softly before licking the soldier’s blood from his hand.
"I can taste his pain, luv. It's in the blood. Thank you."
"Anything for you, Spike. I only wish you could do this for yourself."
"Me too luv, me too."
They were both startled when Angel cleared his throat loudly. With sheepish smiles they stepped back from each other and turned to look at him.
"Might I ask what you're planning on doing with those?"
Angel indicated the small dish on the table. Xander grinned.
"Thought I'd give our little captive breakfast when he wakes up."
The glint in Angel’s eyes could only be described as scary. It made Xander very glad that Angel's soul was still there, even if he wasn't using it at this moment.
"Then by all means, wake him up."
Xander nodded and stepped away from Spike. He took a deep breath, reminded himself that Riley had done this, and far worse to his lover and the broken version of Spike, then he hauled his arm back and slapped the man soundly across the face.
Bleary hazel eyes opened and then widened in remembrance. Angel stepped forward and silently handed Xander the small dish where Riley’s dismembered flesh sat in a pool of blood.
"Feeling hungry, Agent Finn? I bet Angelus hasn't fed you since you've been here, has he?"
Xander didn't wait for an answer, he simply showed Riley what he had in the dish before yanking the gag out of his mouth and forcing the man’s severed testicles into his own mouth.
"Chow down, soldier! You don't swallow, I'll find something else to cut off."
Xander held a blade to Riley's penis and watched with satisfaction as tears rolled down his cheeks. Nevertheless, he swallowed his own testicles. Great gagging sounds followed but somehow he managed to keep them down.
Spike was enjoying the hell out of this. Watching that piece of shit get tortured was doing a lot of good for his fragile sanity. It didn't hurt any that seeing his boy go all alpha was turning him on something fierce. Blood and torture - two sure-fire ways to make a demon hard.
Xander was almost disappointed that Riley didn't refuse; he wanted to cause the man so much more pain than he already had. He paused, looked at Spike, then looked at the instruments on the table and smiled. There was one more thing he wanted. For him, this time. He had done what Spike had asked; now it was time to do something for himself.
Xander winked at his lover before picking up a pair of pliers and walking slowly back toward his victim. He made sure Riley saw what he had in his hand before turning to Angel.
"Would you hold his mouth open for me?"
Angel smiled and came forward. He wrenched the human’s mouth open and watched with anticipation as Xander grasped one of Riley's teeth with the pliers - and pulled.
It came out with a few hard tugs, a lot of blood, and a high-pitched scream. Xander dropped the tooth into the dish he had previously kept the soldier’s balls in and moved on to the next tooth.
While all this was going on, Spike noticed that his blonde counterpart had begun to show signs of coherence again. He slowly approached him so as not to frighten him and spoke to him in a low voice.
"You see that? That's my Xander. Still human yeah, but look at him. Bloody magnificent isn't he? I bet yours was a thing of beauty too, eh? I met a vampire Xander once; he was Dru's childe, a real piece of work, Master of the hellmouth and everything. I think your Xander would have liked this - seeing his human self torture that piece of shit. Looks good on him. Wish I could do him myself, though. Bet you do too, huh?"
Another tooth extracted, and more screams filled the air. Riley choked on the blood that filled his mouth; he coughed and spat it from his mouth. Some landed on Xander's face and Xander shuddered as Angel leaned toward him and licked it off.
"His blood tastes good on you."
Angel smirked as Xander simply touched his face where the vampire had licked him and opened his mouth without sound.
"Anything else you want to do, Xander? Or can the real pain begin now?"
Xander shook his head.
"I'm good. Spike?"
"Yeah, pet?"
"We done? Can Angel play now?"
"Sure thing luv. C'mere."
Xander went to his lover who had stepped away from the other Spike - not wanting his human lover’s presence to bother him. He smiled as Spike licked away the few drops of Riley’s blood that Angel had missed.
"Sire's right, you do taste good."
Xander didn't know how to answer that, so he didn't. He stood behind Spike and wrapped his arms around him as they watched Angel walk in slow circles around the table of torture implements. He would pick something up, look at it, look at Riley while he considered it and then discard it for something else.
Spike whispered into his lover’s ear.
"This is part of the fun, yeah? He gets off on this. The suspense, the not knowing what's gonna happen. If you were a vamp, you'd be able to sense it - the way Finn's pulse climbs every time the poof chooses a new toy. The almost relief when he sets it back down. Then there's the shear terror that'll follow when Angelus finally picks something and heads toward him. If I were to bite him at that moment, his blood would be so full of fear and anguish... it'd be like the best kinda drug, the biggest high you can get. Watch, see what happens."
Xander did watch. He watched as Angel finally chose what looked like a policeman's nightstick, only it was covered in these sharp little points of metal. He watched in abstract fascination as the vampire grinned maliciously and then thrust it unrepentantly into the soldier’s unprepared ass.
Riley howled; Xander shuddered at the sound. He didn't feel any sympathy for the soldier. Why should he? He knew that this was nothing compared to what he had done to Spike. Speaking of which, Xander glanced over at the blonde version of his lover.
Spike was watching, his blue eyes fixed on the scene in front of him. Xander hoped that this would help to heal some of the damage, that the blonde could be brought back from wherever it was his mind had retreated to. He hated to see him like that, knowing that he was the only reason his Spike wasn't in this very same shape. It made him realise that whatever Angel did to Finn, it wouldn't be enough. Not enough to make up for destroying a creature as strong and beautiful as Spike.
Xander knew there was more to the vampire than just a demon, if that were the case, he would never have fallen in love with him. Hell, even before any of this had happened, Xander knew that Spike was different. Angel had a soul; it was the reason he acted like a man instead of a monster. Spike didn't have that, and yet he still put his life on the line for Dawn, for Buffy, for all of them at some point. It was that difference that made Xander start to look at him as something other than a thing to be destroyed or pitied.
When Xander came out of his thoughts, he saw that Angel had continued his assault on the helpless soldier. Riley now had alligator clips attached to his nipples. Wires were attached to the clips, and attached to the wires was a heavy-duty battery with a power switch. As soon as the vampire flipped the switch, Riley began to convulse as the electricity ran through him.
Once the body stopped twitching, Angel looked at it in disgust. He slapped Riley's slack face and waited. Nothing. He tried again but there was still no response. Not happy, but willing to wait, Angel walked back to his childe and crouched down in front of him.
Spike shifted his gaze from the man on the wall to the vampire in front of him. His eyes looked clearer than they had since he had first been brought to the hotel.
"Sire."
Part Forty-Six
Spike is being pretty quiet; right now he's listening to the CD player and writing in his book. I pretend that I don't know he has one; he pretends too. He seems to think that it isn't manly or something - having a journal. Maybe it's just too William-y for him. I don't know, but if it helps him, I'm all for it.
I haven't been tempted to read it. I don't think I'm ready to know what kind of things he's written in there. Most likely it's a retelling of his life with Riley. If he wanted me to know, he'd tell me himself. At least I hope he would.
I have some clue as to what he's been through; I can guess from his actions and reactions. And what he asked me to do to Riley? Well, let’s just say that I hope that was the worst thing he had ever had done, but I know it isn't. It's the worst thing that he felt he could ask me to do for him.
I castrated the bastard and made him eat his own nuts. Me, Xander Harris, full-fledged scooby and all-around white hat. Guess my hat's not so white anymore now. Thing is, I'm not sure that I ever was a white hat. A grey hat maybe, but not white. I didn't join up with Buffy's little group of slayerettes to save the world. I did it because my best friend was killed by vampires and I wanted a little payback.
The fact that Willow stayed, that she wanted to help... That's why I stayed. Yeah, Buffy's pretty hot, and yeah I lusted after her but that wasn't enough for me to risk my life over. There were other pretty girls who could ignore me just as well, some better. I stayed because I couldn't let Willow do it alone; if I lost her too, my life would have been meaningless. And look how she repaid me.
So here I sit, after six years of slaying the bad guys, killing demons to protect the human population, with the blood of a human on my hands. Not literally, cause eeewww! Also, I think Spike did a thorough job licking them clean. But I have led a man to his death - A human man - to protect a demon, a vampire, my lover.
Angel did a fair bit of damage to Riley. He stuck something the size of my arm up the guy’s ass, electrocuted him, beat him, cut him, bit him, peeled the skin from his back and then had me piss on him. And that was just today’s torture session. I have no idea what's planned for tomorrow, he only told us to be there again at sunset.
I think, if it weren't for Spike - not mine, the other one - Angel would have kept on hurting Finn until he died from it. But as it was, Spike needed rest; he had spoken to Angel, called him sire. When Angel smiled at him, he smiled back. Then Angel kissed him. I was wigged out. I mean Angel and Spike? Okay yeah, Angelus and William I can see. But Angel and Spike hate each other - at least the ones back home do. Anyway, after the kiss, Angel went back to his torture and Spike and I watched. I helped out when I was asked - like the pissing thing, and the other Spike slowly slipped back into himself again. By the time Angel called it quits, there was nothing behind his glassy-eyed gaze. I hope it's a good place he escapes to, somewhere that makes him feel safe and happy.
I asked Spike about the kiss after we left. He said that the bond between sire and childe was stronger than a soul, stronger than hate and pain, longing and love. It was everything. He explained that in Spike's current state, he needed that bond, to be connected to his sire. That after everything he'd been through, the Initiative, the torture, losing his childe, that Angel was the only hope of ever bringing Spike back.
Spike still thinks that Angel should stake him, or drain him, something. That he's too far-gone to save and death - final death - would be a mercy. I don't know; I just can't stand the idea of Spike being dust, but I don't like thinking of him spending eternity the way he is either. I don't envy Angel; I wouldn't want to have to be the one to make that choice.
I did something else I should tell you. I took revenge for myself as well. I pulled Riley's teeth out. With a pair of pliers and a bit of assistance from Angel - he held him still and kept his mouth open. It was petty and mean, I know. I don't regret it though. I actually feel pretty good about it. You wouldn't understand, but then again, it wasn't your lover who had this done to him. You didn't see Spike - in game face with no fangs - if you had, you might understand.
I kept his teeth. I'm not sure why though? I just... wanted them. Like a trophy I guess. Not sure what I was thinking there, I mean what am I gonna do with them? Make a necklace? Hmm, maybe yeah. I could have them cleaned up and holes drilled into them, give it to Spike as a gift. I can't present him with his heart - as would be a proper token of love to a vampire, but I can do this. Give him something to keep with him, a message that he endured, and Riley did not.
I wonder what my life is going to be like when I get back home? Will the gang accept the changes in me? Will they accept Spike as my lover? Yeah, I can just see that going over well. Especially Spike - the Spike back home that is. I'm sure he's gonna be real comfortable knowing that I've seen him naked, seen him hard, felt his mouth on me, heard him calling my name, screaming it in ecstasy. Yep, that'll go over really well.
Buffy's gonna be a problem, she won't understand the gay thing, let alone the Spike thing. And when she finds out what Riley was capable of? Not gonna be fun. Fuck! I wonder just what the hell did happen to Spike back home when the Initiative first had him? Did Finn touch him? I always felt there was more behind Spike's hatred of Riley than simple jealousy over Buffy. Fucking bastard! And to think I defended him, stuck up for him to Buffy when all the shit with her Mom was going down. God I feel sick.
The way we all treated Spike, like he was a parasite or something to be scraped off the bottom of our shoes, it was beyond cruel. He may be a vampire, but I know the real Spike now, not the bad ass that he shows the world, but the caring, loving, funny, feeling man that he is inside.
You know, from the day he was turned he was never alone? There was always Angelus, Darla and Dru. Then Angel got cursed and left them. Darla followed suit not too long after. But Dru was still there, and as long as Spike had her to care for and protect, he wasn't alone. Then she left him. Can you imagine what that must have been like? A century with someone, then to find yourself abandoned and alone?
Then after what the Initiative did to him, taking away his ability to feed himself, leaving him to starve to death or depend on his enemies for survival? I'm surprised he didn't choose to die. He's a proud man - vampire - whatever. The fact that he could do it, put up with all of us constantly teasing him and making cutting remarks... It shows how strong he is. Or how lonely he is. Maybe both.
It's really sad if you think about it. That Spike could be so lonely that he'd hang about, put up with the constant belittling, not to mention the beatings, just so he wouldn't have to be alone. I mean, it's not like he couldn't leave Sunnydale. Plenty of places he could go in the world, but he stays. Why? My guess? Because we - the scoobies - are the closest things he has to friends, and that's just pathetic.
Xander closed his book and then watched his lover as he sat hunched over the small table in their room scribbling away in his book. He wondered how much - if any - Riley's torture helped him. Did it make him feel better? Safer?
In this world, yeah, maybe. But what about the next place? Was he going to have to do this every time they came across Riley Finn? Would it make a difference in the long run? Xander sighed; he had too many unanswerable questions running around inside his head. He was confused, tired and in need of a hot bath.
With a quick kiss to the top of his lover's head, Xander entered the bathroom and began filling the tub with hot water. When it was about halfway full he stripped off his clothes and climbed into the tub. Lying back with his eyes closed, he didn't see Spike enter the room and stand watching him from the doorway.
When the water level reached the top of his chest, Xander sat up and turned off the taps. He jumped in alarm when he saw Spike standing there watching him.
"Spike? What're you doing?"
"Admiring the view, pet. What else?"
Xander held out a hand to the vampire and smiled as Spike hurriedly undressed and joined him in the tub. Resting his head on Xander's chest, Spike closed his eyes and relaxed. This was nice.
"I wanted to thank you, luv."
"For what?"
"For today. For telling Angel, for taking me there, for making that bastard hurt. I know that it couldn't have been easy for you, he is human after all, and I just wanted to thank you for doing it."
Xander sighed and dropped a kiss to Spike's head.
"See, that's the thing. It was easy. I didn't ever consider not doing it. He hurt you, and yeah okay maybe it wasn't that Riley that did those things to you, but he did them to that Spike and that's enough of a reason. I only wish I could have done this to the one back in your reality. I love you, I would do anything to make your pain better."
"You did, luv. You did."
The pair fell silent, enjoying the feel of the hot water on their skin, the pleasure of being together and the love they felt for one another. It had been a long, emotionally draining day.
Eventually they drained the water from the tub, dried off and curled up together under the blankets. Sleep would not be long for either man, both were worn out on a mental and a physical level. Tomorrow was going to be another long day, filled with torture, revenge, and hopefully - for a couple of mentally fragile vampires - some much needed healing.
Part Forty-Seven
Xander never even balked once throughout the whole thing. Not when Angelus poured acid on Finn or when he pulled off his fingernails, not even when he rammed the hot poker up his ass. Hells, even I was a bit nauseated by the smell of that; burnt flesh and excrement, not a nice aroma.
The boy seems to have a particular fondness for pulling Finn's teeth. I think he's got all of them now. Kept them too. Don't know why, souvenirs I guess. Like that about him, sentimental fool.
I guess I’ve been avoiding the real issue here though. Threw me for a fucking loop, what happened tonight. Angel- Angelus more likely - slit the bastard’s wrists and let that other Spike and I drain him. Dead as a fucking post. Not for long though, he turned him. By tomorrow night, Finn'll wake up with a demon in him. But that's not the best part, oh no. Angel is gonna give the bastard his soul back.
So yeah, I'm thinking he's coming dangerously close to losing himself here. I mean, I understand the reasoning behind it, but he could be in serious jeopardy of losing his redemption, his promise of mortality. I wonder if I should stop him, make him stake the bastard and get on with his unlife. Bloody Finn shouldn't get to have that kind of power over him, be allowed to screw with his redemption; he isn't worth it.
And why am I sitting here brooding over Angel? Good question, that. Wish I knew. Seeing him though, the way he is with my double... It stirs up a longing in me, one I thought was long dead and buried. I miss the days when my Angelus was my world. He was everything to me back then: my father, my lover, my God. Then those fucking Gypsies took him from me. I thought I had gotten past all that, that I hated the fucker now. Guess not as much as I thought.
I never knew how much of my sire is still in there, hiding behind the soul and the guilt. He's still there though, just buried beneath the surface. I wonder what happened to my Angel, if he's okay. I hope so, God I hope so. Just the thought of him at the mercy of the Initiative... No. Buffy stills loves Angel, she'd never let that happen. At least I hope not.
Maybe I should ask Xander to talk to Angel. Get him to make the blighter understand the concept of enough is enough. Spike'll be okay I think, given enough time and encouragement. He tasted Finn's death, same as I. Nothing more can be gotten from dragging this out. Angel would be better served concentrating on getting him better than continuing his plans for revenge. Yeah, I'll get my Xan to talk to him. Maybe we both should.
My pet's sleeping; bloody worn out, he is. Not surprising though, it's been a hell of a couple days here. Torturing someone can really wear you out. Not to mention that I wasn't exactly gentle with him once we got home. I have to remember that the boy's only human, can't fuck him like that too often or I'll likely kill him. But, bloody hell what a shag that was!
I haven't felt this much like my old self in years. Not since I became the property of the US military. Amazing what a little revenge can do for you, even when it's just revenge by proxy. Christ it felt good though, telling Angelus and my pet what to do to him and having it done. Like having minions again, not that I'd ever tell Angel that - likely to earn myself a good beating if I ever did. Never call my boy that either; if I could turn him, he'd be a childe - my first - not a minion, never that. Not that there's even a point to thinking about turning Xan, with this fucking chip in my head.
Spike closed his book as Xander began to stir in his sleep. With a gentle smile that really didn't belong on the face of a soulless demon, Spike crawled back into bed and pulled his lover into his arms. Xander sighed happily in his sleep and snuggled closer into the embrace. Spike pressed a soft kiss to his face and began a light, rumbling purr deep in his chest. He drifted off to the sound of his own contentment.
Back at the hotel, Angel watched as his childe sat up in his bed, blue eyes glassy with unshed tears. He could smell the desperation and pain on his childe and wanted nothing more than to make him better. Slowly - so as not to startle him - Angel made his way into the room and joined his childe in the large bed.
A single tear rolled down the blonde's face and the older vampire caught it with his finger and brought it to his mouth. He licked the tear away and gently pulled the smaller man into his arms.
"If I could take your pain, childe I would do it without hesitation."
The sobs broke free and Spike curled into his sire's embrace. He cried out his anguish and pain, he cried for all the times he couldn't bring himself to do so in the past. He cried because he had lost his childe, and finally he cried because he knew that he was finally safe. That it was over now, that his Xander had brought him here - to the safety of his sire - at the cost of his own unlife.
At first he had thought he had truly gone mad, seeing an older human version of his beloved childe, seeing him standing there with William, the human he had once been. But it didn't make sense, why would his soul and that of his childe's be there in the first place? Then seeing Riley, remembering that Angelus had told him he was there, that he was going to be a part of his torture and death.
He could remember now, every scream, every moan of pain. He knew the scent of Riley's fear, the sound of his begging, the taste of his blood. He knew the taste of his death. That had been what finally allowed him to come back to the real world. Knowing that he would never be hurt by that bastard again, that his sire cared that much for him, even with his soul. He still craved death - oblivion - but perhaps now he could find a way to ask for it, to be at peace, maybe find his beloved childe in the next life.
"Sire… Angel."
"Will? I'm here. Will. I'm here, everything will be okay now."
Spike shuddered and then opened his eyes. Crystal blue eyes shining with pain and loss looked into deep brown eyes that were filled with hope. Spike took an unneeded breath and forced himself to speak.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, childe. I would do anything to make it better."
"Would you? Really?"
Spike sounded so hopeful, Angel could have wept for the pain he had caused him in the past, the betrayal that put that tone of wonderment in his voice, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Anything, Will."
"Kill me. Please sire, I don't want to go on. I can't live like this; I'm tired, sire. Let me join my Xander."
"Oh God, Will. Please don't ask me to do this."
Angel's arms tightened around his childe and he felt his demon screaming inside.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough to let you go childe. I don't think I can do it."
"My life is yours sire. Yours to give and yours to take. Take it, please?"
"Let me think on it. Sleep Will, I'll give you my decision tonight."
Angel kissed his childe deeply and then laid them both down on the bed. He spooned behind the smaller man and held him tightly, knowing that this could very well be the last time he felt his childe's body pressed against him, the last time he smelled his childe's scent. Sleep would not come for Angel this day.
Part Forty-Eight "God, what a way to wake up."
He felt more than heard the vampire chuckle, the sensation dragging a moan from his throat. He could still hardly believe how much his life had changed in such a short time. A few months ago, if someone told him he would be in love with Spike - from any dimension - he would have first laughed his ass off and then had them tested for signs of possession. The fact that he had this beautiful man - vampire - practically worshipping his body right now, was beyond what his rational mind could take.
Spike released Xander's cock with a wet slurping sound and sat back on his heels to appreciate the view. Xander was magnificent in all his naked glory. Tanned skin over taut muscle, a light sprinkling of dark silky hair covered his body - thick in all the right places, beautiful brown eyes full of love and desire, a thick, long cock that just begged to be touched, licked, sucked upon, straddled.
Spike considered that idea for a minute; he had thoroughly enjoyed the sensation of having his lover inside him. He wasn't quite sure if he was ready to give over control to him just yet but he thought he might like to take another go at riding him. Xander seemed to know what he was thinking as he handing over the lube with a look of absolute lust and longing on his face.
With no hesitation, Spike slicked his fingers and began to hurriedly stretch himself. When he was sure that he could take Xander with a minimum of discomfort, he applied the cold gel to Xander's hot flesh and slid astride him. Looking into eyes darkened with desire, Spike slowly sank down until he was completely filled.
Xander groaned and reached out blindly for Spike. He felt the vampire take his hands and place them on his hips as he began a slow undulation that had him gripping his lover almost painfully in a bid to hold onto his control.
"You feel so good, luv. So hot and hard inside me, I could ride you for hours."
"N-not gonna l-last that long."
Spike chuckled and began to raise himself up before slowly sinking back down. He repeated the movement several times before speaking again.
"We need to go see Angel today."
"Wha... huh? You want to talk about Angel? Now?"
Xander could barely think, let alone carry on a conversation, and Spike wanted to talk about Angel?
"What? Can't shag and talk at the same time? This a human limitation? Or just that I'm too damn good a shag for you to concentrate on anything else?"
Spike had that look, the 'smug smarmy bastard' look. Xander decided to try and focus on conversing with him. Better than letting him know that yes, indeed, he was too damn good a shag to concentrate on anything else.
"Er, Angel? Talk, why?"
A deep rumbling laugh and Spike smiled before clamping his internal muscles around Xander's shaft in an almost painful grip. Xander groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head.
"I've been thinking about his redemption, his need for vengeance is going to screw it all up. We have to make him see that, make him end this thing with Finn."
Xander thought about what Spike said, knew he was right and nodded his head.
"We'll do that, make him understand. But first can we just..."
Xander trailed off as Spike smirked at him and slammed himself down on his cock. There were no more words spoken, the only sounds were of harsh breathing, moans, groans and the sounds of flesh on flesh.
Now, all his hopes and fantasies were shattered. If he did as he was asked, he would lose his childe. If he didn't, if he refused, Spike would resent him, and he would lose his childe. Or he would find a way to do it himself, and still, he would lose his childe.
Angel refilled the tumbler in his hand with the remains of the bottle of whiskey that he had opened early in the morning hours. He brought the glass to his lips and drank as he realised he had no choice. He would do what Spike had asked; he would give him his peace. At least this way, he would get to hold Spike again, feel him in his arms and his veins one last time.
Angel drained the glass and then picked up the bundle of spell components he had on his desk and made his way down to the parking garage. He stopped and looked at Riley, noticing that although the demon was in full possession of the body, he had yet to move or even open his eyes. In fact, as Angel got closer and closer, the new vampire tried to appear stiller and more lifeless.
Angel ignored him completely and set up the spell. He didn't even look over to see if the demon realised what was happening until he had belted out the last line of the curse. Then he looked; he looked and watched with satisfaction as his eyes flew open and the flames appeared in his irises.
Knowing that the curse had worked, that Finn's soul had been restored, Angel smiled and went back upstairs to his childe. Stripping out of his clothes he climbed into the bed and pulled Spike into his arms. He kissed the top of his blonde head and began to purr deep in his chest. He wanted his childe's last hours to be peaceful.
What they were seeing was an obviously intoxicated Angel - in full vamp mode - destroying the lobby of his hotel and making this high-pitched keening sound. Xander looked at Spike for an answer but only received a wary look and a shrug of the shoulders. It didn't make him feel any better. In fact, he was thinking that turning around and leaving would be a very good idea. Unfortunately, Angel realised they were there before Xander got the chance to put his plan in motion.
Spike barely had the opportunity to brace himself before he found himself holding two hundred and fifty pounds of sobbing master vampire. He instinctively began petting him and purring. It was what he'd done when Dru was having a bad spell, it had always worked with her and it looked to be helping with Angel as well.
Xander stood in shocked silence as his lover lowered himself and the older vampire to the floor, all the while continuing to caress and soothe him. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good. He also knew better than to approach them at this time.
"Angelus, er Angel? What's wrong luv?"
Spike had never - never - seen his sire like this. Frankly it scared him.
"Gone. My beautiful Will, gone."
Spike tightened his arms around the older vampire and just held him. His double was gone. That explained everything, to lose a childe was hard, probably more so for Angel, his soul would cause him to feel pain as well as his demon.
"What happened? Can you tell me?"
Angel shook his head and continued to sob into Spike's chest. Spike motioned for Xander to bring the bottle of whiskey that was sitting on the floor a few feet away. Xander did so and was just backing away when Angel reached out - faster than either Spike or Xander had expected - and grabbed him. Spike tensed and began to growl possessively but then stopped as Angel merely pulled Xander into his arms and held him as he was being held by Spike.
The three men passed the bottle between them, sharing in the grief and pain of the older vampire. Eventually Angel told them about Spike's request for an end to it all. Then he told him what he had done to give him that final peace.
"I drained him, it was gentle. He was gone before the stake entered his chest."
Angel cried and clung harder to the warm body in his lap. He needed the contact, the feeling of warmth that Xander gave him. He was grateful to this human, for giving him back his childe, even if it was only for a few days. Spike waited until Angel had quieted again before he spoke.
"Sounds to me like you did what he wanted. You didn't live through it, I did. If he said he couldn't go on, trust me, he couldn't."
Xander shivered and gladly accepted the bottle when Angel pressed it into his hands. The thought of no Spike made him think about how close his Spike had come to wanting death. It was a thought that scared the bejesus out of him.
"I can still feel him, in here."
Angel pointed to his chest where his unbeating heart was breaking in loss. Spike looked at his lover, looked at Angel and then sighed. This would be so much easier if Xander was a vampire, and Angel didn't have a soul. Taking a risk that he wasn't out of line, Spike lifted Angel's head and looked into his eyes before leaning forward and pressing his lips to his sire's.
Xander watched as Spike kissed Angel; he should have been jealous, he should have been furious, he wasn't. He understood that this was about comfort, about blood ties that were strong enough to survive a century of pain and hatred, that were strong enough to be felt across dimensions. He made an effort to withdraw, to give the two some privacy when two sets of yellow eyes fixed on him and he was held in place by both Angel and his lover.
"Xan? You okay with this?"
Xander nodded and sighed in relief as Spike leaned and kissed him. He felt himself being drawn away from Spike by Angel and expected to see the older vampire claim his lover's lips once again. He was stunned when Angel kissed him instead.
Part Forty-Nine Okay, panic attack dealt with. Babbling under control. I had sex with Angel, but that's okay because no one knows. We'll shift out of here and the only one who'll know is Spike. Spike, who watched as Angel took me, who stroked himself while watching as Angel fucked me. Spike who kissed me and told me how hot it was, watching us together. Spike who I'm in love with, who says he loves me but watched me get fucked by someone else.
All right, in all fairness it's not like I was the only one. Spike had sex with Angel too - and yeah, I watched, and it was hot. It was... primal. Like watching a cross between the best porn ever and the discovery channel. I mean, wow. They were so... I don't have the words.
Then of course, there was the free-for-all where I found myself wedged between two vampires - not a bad place to be. I will so die of embarrassment if anyone sees this. I wasn't even going to write it down but I had to. If I'm going to keep an honest record of my little "adventure" I should include the life-altering things that happen. I'll just make sure this never gets read - by anyone!
It was the first time I've been in control with Spike, inside him and being able to do whatever I want to him. Of course, having Angel in me at the same time made it different than I had fantasized about. Not bad, just different.
It was sex. Not love. Angel was hurting, simple as that. I don't know a lot about demons - vampires - but I understood what last night was about. It was Spike's way of offering comfort to his sire. I don't know what my reasons were. Too much whiskey and an overwhelming sense of loss? Knowing that it could easily have been my Spike that was pushed so far he didn't want to come back?
Maybe. But is that enough? Is Angel making Finn pay for what he'd done enough to make me forget two weeks in a hell dimension? Is seeing Spike drain the life from his worthless hide enough to forgive Angel for the horrors I witnessed? I don't know. After what happened to Willow in that place, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him, but it wasn't him though. It was Angelus. Angelus who gave me the opportunity to avenge my lover, Angelus who was howling his grief over his childe in my lover's arms.
I'm so fucking confused. I want to hold onto my anger at him. I do. But I'm so tired of holding a grudge. He's a demon - and not a very stable one at that - it's what they do. After a century of being locked up by a soul, having a conscience, what would you expect though?
I have to wonder though, what happened in that world? It seems to me that my decisions have had a bearing on the different realities I've been to. If that's true, then what did I do that let Angelus finish the ritual? Did I talk Buffy out of going after him? Did I delay her in some way so that she was late? Maybe when I jumped out of the bush at her she hit me and knocked me out, then had to call an ambulance to come and get me? Maybe I never brought her back to life after the Master and it was Kendra or Faith who had to go up against Angelus when he was trying to open Acathla.
So, in that context, it was my fault that that he succeeded. My fault that the world was sucked into hell. My fault that all those people... That Willow... God! It was my fault. Everything, my fault. Spike. Oh God, Spike was my fault! If I had been there, not in L.A. with Angel and Wes, he wouldn't have been recaptured. He would have been safe. And here, I was a vampire - turned by Spike - so again, no cosy basement to hide out in, no scoobies to take him in. They wouldn't, not if he had turned me - defenceless or not, Buffy wouldn't have helped him. How the hell did I get turned anyway? What did I do in this reality that made me a vampire?
Now I understand the depth of the curse. I hope Anya is happy, I couldn't be more miserable. It's all my fault; how many people have been made to suffer because of my actions? Or inaction? Jesus Christ, how many more horrors do I have to endure before she's satisfied that I've suffered enough?
I'm sorry Anya! I'm so, so, sorry. I never meant to hurt you, please make this stop. I want to go home, please. I just want to go home.
Xander closed his book, lay down on the bed and let the tears fall. He hadn't cried like this in a very long time and he found that once he started, he couldn't stop. He was glad Spike wasn't here to see it. He couldn't face him right now, not after figuring out that this was all his fault.
So now Spike had the pleasure of giving Riley his final death. He just couldn't decide how he wanted to do it - other than painfully of course. The table was still set up, the various torture implements in place. Of course, he could just leave him to starve; even if he let him go, he was defenceless.
Being turned with no teeth or finger nails, meant no fangs or claws. In fact the only thing Finn had going for him now was added strength, and being a minion, it wasn't much. He considered stuffing him in a trunk and having him delivered to the slayer, but it would only come back on Angel and he was in enough pain as it was.
"Hmm, not sure what I want to do with you yet. Tell me, how does it feel to be neutered? In every sense? Didn't you ask me that once or twice?"
Spike chuckled nastily at the glaring yellow eyes as Finn's demon made its presence known.
"See, thing is, mine grew back. Both bollocks and fangs; you? Well, you wouldn't survive long enough for it to happen even if they could. Turned without means you stay without. Think your little slayer would want you now? Knowing that you're a demon, an impotent one at that?"
Spike morphed into game face and growled in the fledgling's face.
"Stupid, stupid boy. You have no idea what you messed with, do you. Thought you could get away with it, that no one would care what happened to a demon. You thought wrong."
Carefully lifting one of the newer additions to the table of torture - a squirt gun filled with holy water - Spike walked closer to Riley and aimed the plastic gun at the soldier's face before pulling the trigger.
Riley screamed as the water burned into his skin like acid. He felt the droplets land on his chest and run down. It was agonising. Panic gripped him as he opened his eyes and saw the gun was now aimed at his groin. He shook his head frantically, hoping - praying that he wouldn't pull the trigger, knowing that it was futile, that his life was forfeit.
Spike snickered and lowered the muzzle of the gun. He watched as relief followed by suspicion flooded Riley's features. Then he took aim again and fired. And fired, and fired, and fired. By the time the gun was empty, there was nothing left of Riley's groin, his legs were covered in burns - clear to the bone in places.
"Be lucky I didn't have a hose handy, otherwise... well you remember don't ya? How I screamed, how I pleaded and begged? You remember how you made me suck you in order to stop it? Do you?"
Riley made no move to answer. Spike grabbed him by the throat and smashed his head against the wall.
"Answer the question - when I ask you something, you will answer!"
"Yeeeessss! I remember."
That earned Riley a backhand to the face so hard that it shattered his jaw. Spike was still disgusted by the memories of how this pathetic little pissant had broken him. Sure he had been helpless to defend himself, thanks to a nifty little piece of metal in his head... which gave Spike an idea.
As the former-blonde demon searched for something suitable to carry out his plan, Riley tried to recall everything he had ever done to the blonde version of this vampire. He cringed at some of the memories, knowing full well that he would likely experience them firsthand now, wondering if there was any way to escape the torture before he died.
Spike turned around - a maniacal grin on his face - and showed the helpless fledge what he held in his hand. It was a small surgical saw, an electric one at that. In his other hand was a jagged piece of sheet metal, not much larger than a quarter. Seems Angel - or possibly Xander had planned for this as well.
For the next few minutes the only sounds were of the saw's low buzzing and Riley's screaming as Spike sawed through his skull and then painfully shoved the metal deep into his exposed brain.
Spike stood back, satisfied that he had made that as painful as possible for the ex-soldier. He remembered well, the pain he felt when they had cut his head open to install the chip. He made sure this was worse. He didn't have the time to repay every painful, humiliating torture that he had endured, so he made sure the ones he did perform were as nasty as he could make them.
"Only a shame that I can't give you the pleasure of the chip going off. Nice piece of work, that; can't even step on a human's toes accidentally without a fucking migraine. But don't you worry, I've come up with something close to what it feels like."
That said, Spike drove a rusty spike through Riley's left eye. He pulled it back out with a wet sucking sound and then repeated the process, shoving the now bloodied and dripping spike into the right eye socket as well.
He left the spike deeply embedded in Riley's eye and withdrew a stake from his pocket.
"Well, it's been fun and all that, wish I had time to do this proper but my Xander is waiting for me, and given the choice between spending time with you or him, he wins."
Riley disappeared in a shower of ash and Spike walked away. He nodded once to his sire on the way out of the hotel and climbed onto the bike. He was looking forward to getting back to the hotel and Xander; hopefully he could persuade him to join him in the shower.
Part Fifty Hoping to cheer him up somewhat, Spike stripped off his jacket and outer shirt. He toed off his sneakers - still not believing he actually owned a pair - and peeled off his socks. In nothing but his soft blue denims, he crawled onto the bed and lay down beside the television-watching human.
"Whatcha watchin' pet?"
Xander started at the sound of Spike's voice. He hadn't realised that Spike was back already. Struggling to get himself under control and not burst out in tears and beg the vampire to forgive him, Xander gave Spike a small sad smile.
"Everything go okay? You dust that asshole?"
Spike grinned and then sat up on the bed. He was practically bouncing as he told Xander the details of what he had spent the afternoon doing. He couldn't help but feel a little grateful to Angel for turning and then souling him, it let him get his hands dirty, so to speak, and give back some of the pain that he had been forced to endure. Xander smiled as he saw that Spike was actually happy, that he was more like the "big bad Spike" from back home.
"I'm glad you had fun. Did it... Does it make it better?"
"Bloody hell yes! I feel like a new man! Er, vampire. Christ love, I haven't felt this bloody good since before I tried to bite that little redhead and realised I was... damaged."
"Again with the me being happy for you, but you need to shower; I don't know how you didn't get stopped on the way here, you have blood on your face and your hands."
Spike looked down at his hands and realised Xander was right. He shrugged and then put on his best leer.
"Care to come wash my back Xan? Or something a bit lower, whatever you fancy."
Xander couldn't help but smile at the obvious innuendo. He wanted to, he just felt horribly guilty and wasn't sure if he deserved to touch Spike that way again.
"I... Um, well..."
"Come on love, not taking no for an answer. I'm a very... dirty boy."
Again with the leer and Xander finally broke, a smile lit his face and Spike kissed him before dragging him into the bathroom and undressing them both.
Spike was in heaven, hot water on his back, Xander on his knees before him, wet, warm suction on his cock. There was nowhere he'd rather be. He closed his eyes and gently tangled the fingers of one hand into his lover's damp hair.
"Christ, luv. You feel so fucking good."
Xander grinned slightly around his mouthful of vampire. He continued to suck on Spike's cock as he reached one hand down between his own legs and began to stroke himself off as well. The noises coming from the vampire were making him so very hot, and he desperately needed to cum.
Spike opened his eyes and looked down at Xander. His eyes were closed but he had such a look of contentment on his face as he bobbed his head up and down, like he was exactly where he wanted to be, doing exactly what he wanted to do. Spike looked lower and saw what Xander's hand was up to and groaned at the sight.
There was nothing hotter than watching his boy jerk himself off while giving him a blow-job. The very idea that Xander was enjoying this so much that he had to touch himself made Spike lose what little control he still had. His demon roared to the surface and he tore through his lower lip as he thrust into his boy's sweet mouth and came with an ear-splitting howl. He felt Xander swallow around him and then tense as his own orgasm ripped through him.
Xander vaguely remembered being pulled to his feet, kissed soundly and spun into the wall before Spike plastered himself against his back and began kissing and nibbling his throat. He moaned at the sensation and felt himself begin to harden once more. He spread his legs and thrust his ass back in invitation.
Spike frantically searched for something - anything - that could double as lube. Settling on the shower gel, he flipped open the cap and squeezed some onto the small of Xander's back. After setting the bottle down on the side of the tub, he ran his fingers through the small pool of soap and began to gently push first one and then two into his lover's body.
Xander pushed back against the invading digits, eager to feel more, needing to be filled by Spike, to feel him as deep inside as he could get. He panted as a third finger slid in beside the previous two and began to pump in forcefully.
"Spike. Now, please now. Need you in me."
"Shh, luv. Just another minute, don't want to hurt you."
Xander sobbed in frustration as Spike denied him his request, he was ready - more than ready - and he needed this so badly. He didn't even realise he had been chanting 'please, now, please' over and over until Spike finally withdrew his fingers and whispered in his ear.
"Okay. Relax luv, you got me."
And then Spike was pushing inside and Xander was pushing back against him. They were finally joined and Xander could have wept, he never wanted to lose this - the feel of his lover's cool skin against him, hard cock inside him - possessing him, soft lips brushing over the nape of his neck.
"God, Spike. Love you."
"Love you too, Xander."
And then they were moving, long slow strokes that made Xander shudder. Spike's hands were holding him steady, one on his hip and the other one tracing circles on his chest, absently pinching a nipple every once in a while, before trailing down to stroke his hard cock.
Xander came first, his muscles tightening and dragging Spike's climax out of him. They rested against the cool tiles for minutes before finally rinsing off and exiting the shower.
Dry, sated and exhausted they tumbled into bed and curled around each other to sleep. Xander still felt the guilt of his earlier revelation, he felt awful about what Spike had gone through, knowing that in some way it was his fault. He only hoped as he drifted off that he wouldn't have nightmares.
Spike watched as Xander closed his eyes and drifted off. He was more than a bit worried about his boy. He had seemed so... desperate earlier. As flattering as it was to have someone so eager, so needy to be filled by him, it wasn't normal behaviour for Xander. He wasn't sure what had set him off. Perhaps it was the whole 'sex with the sire' thing. Humans could be so weird about physical relationships.
Just as Spike was relaxing into sleep - having decided to talk to Xander about the sex-with-Angel issue tomorrow, he felt his lover's body tense. Xander hadn't had a nightmare in awhile now, not since before the reality where Xander was a vampire and Dru's childe. He had hoped his lover was past the terrors he had witnessed and endured in that demon dimension.
"No! Spike, God no, I'm so sorry."
Xander was sitting up in bed, his eyes wide and unseeing, still caught in the horrible images of his nightmare. He could see Spike, flayed and screaming as soldiers surrounded him. He watched as one of them buried a stake into his shoulder and then turned toward him. It was his face; he was one of them.
"My fault. All my fault."
Tears were streaming down his face and Spike was holding him, petting him gently trying to wake him without scaring him further. He hadn't seen Xander like this before. This was worse than the dreams he'd suffered from when they had first met up.
Eventually Xander came back to himself and sobbed in relief. He let Spike hold him until his tears finally tapered off and his chest stopped heaving. He soaked in the comfort being given, knowing that he didn't deserve it.
"Shh, pet. Spike's here, everything'll be all right. Nothing's gonna hurt you."
"Sorry, so sorry. My fault. All my fault."
Spike started to purr and wrapped himself around his lover. Xander relaxed into the embrace and held on to Spike as tightly as he could. Sleep eventually claimed him again, and he was met with the images of his lover's brutal torture - by his hands - once again.
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